(MOD POST) Happy Birthday Park Jungsoo! @special1004

Dear Jungsoo,

I know you won’t be able to read this, but I’ll still take my chances. Happy 35th birthday to you! I emphasized your age because I wanted you to know that it’s my birthdate. LOL!

Sorry for the lack of preparation because I’ve been busy these past few weeks, but never did I forget about writing you a letter for your birthday. Last year, do you remember that I wrote and composed a song for you? I know that you were not able to listen to it but still, I am proud because it’s my first ever composition. You must be so proud. And one day, you’ll be able to hear it. This year, well, I’m writing a long letter because it’s how we like it, right? Hehe. I wasn’t able to prepare a lot for this year; things happened, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

How do I start this? Hmm… I don’t really know how to begin. My mind is blank as of this moment, but I know in my heart that I have a lot of things to say to you. I think, the first one is that… I want to thank you for the inspiration for the past eight years. I must admit that you are not the most perfect person on the planet, and I even bash you at times (jokingly, of course), but I don’t know… it’s just that I am so infatuated with you. I just love you for who you are. I disliked the mistakes that you did in the past, the tweet that you erased which was really, really painful, you know? It’s the first tweet that I’ve ever cried my heart out. Haha! And the things that you said that really hurt me and other fans as well. But guess what – I still love you. I do think that you poisoned me with your charms, whatever your charms are. I do think that it’s about your sincerity, your honesty and your passion that made me stay by your side all these years.

I thank you for being the leader of Super Junior. A friend to each member. I believe that you’re friends with all of them. Yes, you’re close with other members more, but I really believe your heart is with all of them. You may disagree with them at times, or even have conflicts, petty or deep, but you still love them. If not, would you still be a Super Junior member? Would you be a Super Junior leader? You could be an emcee and/or a host, because you’re best at that. You’re not the best singer nor dancer in the group yet you chose to be Super Junior. It’s one of your admirable traits – the reason why I fell for you in the first place. The reason that made me say that – this is my favorite person – my ultimate bias, my love, my ideal person, my heart, my soul, my sky. I thank you for being so strong for the group despite of the obstacles that you are facing right now.

I know that you’re also doubting yourself, or doubting about things in general. It happens, and I do not blame you for that. I know at times that you don’t want to continue, that you want to give up on some things. Thank you for making sacrifices – even if it was not for your own happiness. Sometimes I wish that you just take that path and no matter what decisions you’ll make, no matter what you want to do, no matter what you think, I will forever support you.

When you were in the army, you’ve been through a lot. I didn’t initially want to mention this, but I want to prove one point that I am also thankful for. I don’t know, and I will never know how much you suffered that time. I don’t know why also, but I have an idea. I will never know your feelings. I will never know what you think. I will never probably experience your grief. It was the perfect way to give up, for some – but I sincerely thank you for not giving up. Not giving up on life is your best gift to me. I can’t promise that I will be physically there – God knows I want to, but we’re star-crossed. We’re friends, virtual friends – and you don’t know me. But I want to protect you. I won’t say that I will protect you no matter what it takes – I can’t do that. But I promise you that I’ll protect you in any way that I can. It’s my payback for you not giving up on life.

I have a lots of things to thank you for, but I cannot tell everything at once – so I just want to say thank you for everything.

I also have a lot of things to say sorry to you. You were not my first favorite member in Super Junior, but you remained the longest. You like loyal people, right? Hehe! I don’t know if I am still considered loyal after liking other groups aside from Super Junior, despite of the fact that I promised you that I won’t love anyone else but you and Super Junior. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for holding you back. I am a fan and I know that being one of your fans, even if you don’t know me at all, I am still one of the reasons why you’re holding something back.

I also wish for you to become healthy always. You’ve been overworking yourself, and I know that you are a workaholic who works even during vacation. If that’s what you happy then I’ll support you for that, but please take care of yourself. Take care of your health. I don’t know what I’ll do if you do not take care of yourself or if anything bad happens to you. I know fans and friends and loved ones won’t like it too.

Do not change just because people want you to change. Please change only if you want to change – change positively for yourself. I don’t honestly care if you’re different from Leeteuk – the man in front of the camera, the man in front of the fans, the leader of Super Junior. People love you for who you are. Do not doubt about that.

Please do not take what the haters say to heart. We are your barriers so just look at us. Do not look outside your barriers. We are your friends, your family. We got your back, your front and your side.

All I really want is your happiness. You cannot always be happy, but I wish you to be happy most of the time. Whatever things would make you happy – I’m for it.

Lastly, I wish that you remain the same person with so many dreams and with a strong will to achieve those dreams, the person who works hard to achieve those dreams.

It’s kind of funny, because I still don’t know how I feel about you because it’s been so long. At times I do think that I love you as a person, and as a man, but I don’t think it’s the case because as I mentioned before, maybe I was just in love with Leeteuk, and not Jungsoo – your true self. But whether you are Leeteuk or Jungsoo, or whatever people call you, I still love you for you. I will continue to do so. I will continue to hold your hand and never let go because even if people come, it’s still you.

Again, happy birthday to you! Hope you have a great day, the best leader, my ultimate crush, my Sky, Park Jungsoo! I love you very much.


(RP) South Korea Trip – At Last, It Happened!

It’s been a really long time.

I made this blog hidden for a good reason. I never write here anymore anyway.

I wanted to at least write something about my trip to Korea last November 5 – 8, same date of Super Junior’s 10th Anniversary. I specifically chose the dates because of that special reason. I told myself that if ever I would go to Korea, I would choose July 1 or November 6. For whatever reason, I felt so attached with Super Junior and I had this hope that I would see the reason why I cried tonight.

Just a quick narration of our family trip in Korea – on the first night, we got lost because of me. We rode a bus and missed the bus stop. We took a cab and the driver was very kind. He really tried to understand us even though he was not familiar in English. I used my little knowledge in speaking and writing in Korean. He was talking to me in Korean and I could understand quite a few sentences. There was a time when we actually and literally went around Gwanghwamun to find the hostel. We lost our ability to comprehend because we were truly hungry so I asked the cab driver to stop. He was still smiling and I was still thinking that he was very nice.

So, we just sat there, contemplating if we would get another hostel but I was reluctant. A kind man who looked like someone familiar helped us on our way to finding our hostel which was, mind you, right in front of where we were sitting.

No, he wasn’t a familiar Korean. This will not become a fan fiction.

He was a Filipino and heaven knew (he also admitted) that he was a singer in the Philippines. He was very familiar though… it’s like I had seen him on TV.

Anyway, we met our Korean host, and she told us that she thought we weren’t coming. She waited for hours. I felt so guilty so I kept on apologizing. She was very nice and accommodating, and the room that we rented was very clean. I would definitely get that again if I return.

So we were very hungry and sleepy. We lost our chance to go to the lantern festival near our place. We also lost our itinerary that I made especially for our stay because I planned not to go with a tourist guide.

As a first timer, we were kind of average to good tourist. Thanks for being into KPOP for almost 7 years. My parents were relying on me and my sister. I was happy that I was able to write and read Hangul and sort of understand Korean so we sort of survived our first official day. We went to Nami Island. Before going there, we got lost because we were not familiar with the subway. Korean subways are like Hong Kong and Singapore subways – they all had a lot of lines and connecting stations. Had we not read Korean words, we would not survive a day without riding a cab and we would really be bankrupt. But subways were good for the budget, especially if our budget was limited to less than 50,000 won for the four of us. We kind of exceeded the limit though because of cabs and buses which was more expensive than the trains. My mom would always get stuck in the entrance and exit because she would double tap the card or the card wouldn’t be read. She would always tap the card wrongly for whatever reason, the subway really hated her but of course, it was the easiest, cheapest and the fastest way – we couldn’t say no to it.

We bought the T-Money card and I loaded it – machines were easy to use.

So to get to our destination, I pre-booked a tour bus, but when we got there, I was informed that we had no reservation. So I confirmed in my email – thanks to the mobile wi-fi speed in Korea, that my reservation was not accepted. Of course, I apologized after fighting with the reservation officer. My father was of course mad because he was usually like that. He would always want everything planned ahead. And it was planned ahead – it wasn’t just executed very well.

So we rode the train again and we were glad to reach our destination after almost two hours. We ate at restaurant near the dock that served Galbi, and there we heard Kyuhyun’s A Million Pieces. I was overjoyed because I had been seeing him in the bus and in the streets and hearing him everywhere. We wanted to try the zipline to Nami Island but still, we were still on a budget. We bought a ticket for the ferry ride and went to Nami Island. Because I was a nature person, I enjoyed singing At Gwanghwamun while walking. We also took a lot of pictures because it was a picture worthy place.

Then we went back as early as possible to go to our next destination – the Han River. I pre-booked the ticket for the cruise and we had no problem except that it rained and it was too damn cold. We were there earlier so we ate at Lotteria before going to the cruise. We bought some chips and I swear, it was the best chips that I’ve ever tasted. I forgot the name though but it was mixture of sweet and cheesy. We sat on the benches while waiting for our turn to ride the cruise while eating and while listening to Taeyeon’s whole album courtesy of the restaurants around.

It was really cold that we decided to enter the waiting area. It was about two hours when we rode the cruise. I liked it, however it was a bit non-enjoyable. My sister and I, despite of the cold weather went out the cruise and some Korean guys took photos with us. They actually told us we’re pretty of course, I knew they were just joking around but the hell, we still said ‘thank you’.

Then we went home. I encountered a very displeasing person on our way home. She wasn’t Korean – that’s a clue. I would not tell the story though.

That night also was Super Junior’s 10th anniversary. I kind of regretted the fact that I wasn’t able to greet them properly so I would say it now: Guys, congratulations on your 10th anniversary! I have been following you for almost seven years and I am so happy that you reached your 10th anniversary despite of all the trials and challenges. I am so happy to breathe the same air as you on your anniversary. Even though, I didn’t tweet that much, I was still happy. Thank you and I love you. Let’s run together more!

Okay it was short and done, but I think I made my point.

Back to the narration. So we prepared for the night only then I realized that I lost my itinerary. I thought that I left it with the good cab driver the night before, so I created a new itinerary – a quite quick itinerary actually, because I barely couldn’t remember anything that I wrote, even the budget that I allotted for the whole trip. All I could remember was that I planned to go to Korean Folk Village the next day and return to watch VIXX Ken’s Cinderella musical in the evening… and of course go to Apgujeong for Kona Beans, then go to Gangnam for the KPOP Star Road – at least alone – but I ended up tagging my sister along with me. I bought her a ticket for Ken’s musical as well. She was lucky enough to get a close seat.

The next day, we went to Korean Folk Village and we got lost again because we rode a bus. On our way, we saw Werther (Kyuhyun’s musical) advertisements. Then we reached Yonsei University – which was, mind you, very elegant, and very beautiful campus.

We were noob in this, sorry, so we took a cab to go to Korean Folk Village. As usual, I was able to book our tickets.

It was raining so it was muddy. I enjoyed seeing the folk village but not as much because my boots had mud. I had to go to the musical later that day but I already looked dirty. I had a confession to make – I couldn’t walk nicely. It would usually happen, even back in the Philippines. The Korean Folk Village was really nice too to be honest. We saw the live actings of actors and we saw how Koreans lived way back before. I was also amused because it had some kiddy rides there.

We ate after and waited for the shuttle back to Suwon. It was almost a forty-five minute ride and I was panicking because we might not be able to go to Ken’s musical. But we made it after getting lost again. The mall in Suwon though was tempting, by the way. It was heaven for me because of the shoes!

So we went to Dongdaemun to go to Chungmu Art Hall. We were an hour earlier so I was thankful enough to hail a cab for my parents. After having a difficult time telling the driver where he would drive my parents to, thanks to my limited and rotten Korean speaking skills, he drove away. I asked our host to see if they were back in the hostel. I actually planned for them to go to Dongdaemun Shopping District, had my sister not watched the musical with me. She wasn’t really interested with Ken and VIXX in general so we were kind of in war especially when it came to VIXX. I was thankful though because she went with me or else I would get so out of place.

I could recognize a lot of Starlights, and I was also about to meet my Starlight friends who would watch the musical, Rein and Cami. I saw them separately though.

I was getting insane because I learned that Leo actually went to the musical to watch Ken on that same day when we watched it. If only I chose to watch the 3pm show, I would not be regretting because Rein and Cami saw him. But still, KEo!

The musical started. I was cursing inside my head while Ken was performing because his voice was out of this world. On the same day, Kyuhyun was having his concert also – I was regretting not to come because the ticket was quickly sold out and my parents didn’t allow me to have one more event.

Cinderella musical was awesome. I actually felt all the emotions, laughed, clapped, gasped and frowned if needed. The set was beautiful, and Cinderella’s and Fairy Godmother’s transformations were priceless. Of course, the other characters did well too. Especially Ken. I swear, I saw him looking at me once (glanced, to be exact) but when I looked back at him he looked away. I might be delusional though, but I hope he was thinking, “Why does a foreigner here? Does she even understand this?” That kind of look. I was actually on the seventh row on the most side of the center. Maybe he saw me, or maybe not, but anyway, the point was his voice was on point. Acting was superb too.

I thought it was the last Cinderella so I chose that one, but then they told everyone that they would be having an encore so my hopes went down for a mini-fanmeeting with Ken after.

Reini, my sister, and I went to the back to wait for Ken. I was able to see him saying bye and thank you to us before he went inside the van. He opened the side window and said goodbye and thanks (or no thanks) to that person who flashed her camera on Ken’s face, I captured a video of him. But then it was my first time to get up close for an idol, but I still kept my distance because idols were also humans who get angry when provoked.

So, it turned out that he was the only celebrity that I saw for the whole trip.

Then we said bye to Cami and Reini while we parted our ways in the subway. My sister and I went to Apgujeong for obviously Kona Beans. In Apgujeong, I saw VIXX’s advertisement for Chained Up, and also a birthday advertisement for Leo.

We followed the direction to Kona Beans and we got lost again. We reached Kona Beans by 11:10 PM KST. And of course, it was already closing. I didn’t know that it would close at 11PM – I thought that it would close at 12am!

So we went there for almost nothing. I gave up because my tummy was aching too much because of hunger.

We just went to sneak if someone was still inside and we saw a beautiful lady wearing white – she was very far so I couldn’t confirm if she was Jungsoo’s mom. Out of nervousness, and out of respect, we decided to not approach her to take a photo with her.

Losing both our hope and our stomach, we went inside a CVS to buy food and when we went out the store, we saw the beautiful woman going out. Weirdly enough, I panicked so I entered the convenience store again. I was so nervous. I didn’t know why but even though I couldn’t confirm, I was still happy to see her. I think she was really Jungsoo’s mom. Ugh, I am so embarrassed for not knowing her. I learned that she was just walking home. My sister told me to follow her, but I told her that we couldn’t because it would not be good. So we decided to stay, take a video of Kona Beans and walked towards it and saw someone near the cafe. We panicked that we almost backed out together. A man went by and thought we were weirdos.

Then a white car – actually we thought that it was Jungsoo – parked beside Kona Beans but after a while, the car went away after some minutes. And upon realizing that almost every car owner had white car, we just shrugged it off.

We went home disappointed and tired and still hungry. We decided to go back there the morning after to take our chances again of seeing someone. We were panicking because the subway might close but we actually get lost again. We successfully went back to Gyeongbokgung though.

So we ate the same restaurant where we ate the first time we got there. It was pretty value for money.

The next day, my stomach was hurting – maybe because I ate a very spicy food after filling my stomach with air. I wasn’t able to enjoy touring the next day, however, everything changed when we went back to Kona Beans. My parents insisted to go with us so they went with us but out of courtesy (and a little bit of shame) we asked them to stay at Apgujeong Station. We assured that we would be going back by 11am for all of us to go to Myeongdong to shop and buy pasalubong for everyone back home.

At last, the coffee shop was open. I was literally feeling sick because of my stomach and maybe because I was so nervous. I breathed in and out before going inside the cafe.

My sister and I video-blogged our way there, but of course it would be embarrassing to put it here.

Anyway, at last! I saw a lot of Super Junior posters, especially Leeteuk’s – actually all Leeteuk! It was heaven. Really. It was Hawaii-themed cafe. Around, you would see fans’ gifts to Super Junior and Leeteuk, congratulatory flowers and rice wreaths in a room. The coffee scent was aromatic. I was beyond happy. But still, we weren’t able to see Leeteuk’s mom – maybe because she was the one we saw the night before.

I ordered a dark chocolate cake and apparently, Jungsoo recommends it. The crew was so cute and I ship her with Jungsoo – apparently.

My stomach was not really cooperating but I still managed to finish the cake. It was so delicious. I don’t normally enjoy dark chocolate, but I can say it was delicious.

I bought a blue Angel Story pillow case, took the sleeve, the paper bag and the tissues from Kona Beans. I was beyond happy even though we weren’t able to see Jungsoo again. The fact that I went there was beyond amazing.

We went back to the station and we all went to Myeongdong to shop and eat.

There we ate the best meal ever, at almost 100,000 won, not bad, we still enjoyed the meal even though my stomach was really hurting so bad! No, I didn’t poop, if you ask. When we shopped, it just disappeared. Friends back in the Philippines had a lot of things that they wanted us to buy so we bought it all in Myeongdong. I completed my VIXX album collection and also Super Junior’s!

Shopping was cut because we needed to go back by four in the afternoon because we still wanted to go to Gyeongbokgung Palace, our last destination after we headed to the airport. We didn’t stay long and bought tickets though, we just took photos from the outside because of the lack of time.

We went back to the hostel and then after two hours, we went to the airport to wait for our flight.

I think… the thing that I would miss is the people who tried their best to understand you even though you cannot understand them that much. They helped us whenever we got lost.

Second was the food – especially those chips, and that legit Korean meal.

Third – fangirling stuff. I would definitely go back for that.

Fourth – weather. Yes, it was cold, but it was a good kind of cold that made our skin look younger.

I was so happy and when I got home, I wanted to go back again.

I would definitely go back again… next time with friends to fan girl.

July? November?

I choose both.

Oops, there. I thought I could narrate it in a shorter way, but I guess not. I missed a lot of places to go to but we would surely go back again.

(MOD POST) Happy Day Leeteuk!

Only an hour left and I hope it is not yet too late… Actually I am already late, but it is still 11pm in my country! LMAO

Also, this isn’t a short message so if you have something else to do… especially if it is urgent and important, skip this blog post. This is literally very long message to the birthday man, my most favorite man on earth.

Dear Jungsoo,

How are you? It’s been a long time since I last wrote you a message like this. As far as I could remember, last year, I wrote a very short message to you… that was because you still weren’t out yet from the army… or you are, but not officially. Anyway, I just want to greet you a happy happy birthday and even though it’s already late, I hope you were able to celebrate your birthday this year well.

To be honest, I really have a lot of things I wanted to say to you because you are already out from the army and there is a chance, although it’s just a small chance, that you will be able to read my message to you. Actually, I cannot begin it. Shall I start with the wishes? The apologies? The promises? The commitments?

I am very much aware that this is only the sixth year of me celebrating your birthday this grand… I remember, my first birthday blog post was for Heechul’s, so I skipped yours, although I already knew Super Junior a year before. So… that makes it seven years total of loving the best leader, the leader of Super Junior.

I don’t know why I am still holding on though, even though for several times, I’ve attempted to stop and let go. I wasn’t able to. I was, I think, very emotionally attached to Super Junior and most especially to you, Leeteuk. For almost seven years, I’ve become a Teuk-biased ELF and until now, although it’s a bit seldom, I am still a Teuk-biased. It is not a secret, however, that I am slowly… slowly drifting away from the group. I find it very interesting that the reason why I am still an ELF is because of you. Probably, I’ve changed a lot, and I’ve changed as an ELF and as a Teuk-biased ELF. I rarely follow everything Super Junior, though I am still aware of the activities, just not like before. But everytime I see you, I say to myself, “Oh, I remember that time when I am still as active as others… I remember spazzing about everything that you do… I remember disliking your inconsiderate actions… I remember being delusional about your ‘replies’ to my blog.” Everything just returns everytime I see you so I am very thankful.

There is really something about you that makes me react dfferently. I still have that excitement, nervousness and happiness whenever I see your photos, videos, tweets, posts, and most especially your TV appearances. Your presence makes me fall in love with you over and over again. I still don’t know if it’s the same love that I will experience in real-life because no matter how much I think I do, I am still taken aback by the fact that you are an artist, albeit from another country, and I am just one of your million fans who patiently waits for you to notice. It is painful, but as I said before, I think it’s a part of being your fan. Being in love with your character as Leeteuk. That insecurity makes me sad, but I never regret anything. From knowing you to becoming your fan, from randomly watching you in Youtube to seeing your concerts… All of them, I cherish and I never regret.

Probably the only thing that I regret the most is not seeing you last time when I have the chance to see you. To be honest, I cried non-stop for five days straight, pleading and begging to my parents for them to let me watch you. It is still hurtful and I am still disappointed with myself for not seeing you. I know that it is my one and only chance and it sucks. But then I… I decided on my own, to book a trip to Korea to see you. It is my main reason. The others are just secondary reasons but I keep on repeating and emphasizing that I want to go to Korea because I really want to see you. If it is fated for me to meet you, even if there is only a minimal possibility, the chances are, we would meet again. So I booked a flight to Korea tomorrow, July 2.

However, another unfortunate thing happened. After passing my visa requirements and getting the visa itself, after planning my itinerary and booking everything, a news spread that MERS become a threat to my visit. I thought, “Why does God not let me go to Korea?” I feel bad. Very bad that I keep on searching for MERS news until today. Supposedly, tomorrow is my flight so that I can celebrate your birthday, but… I am an obedient daughter. Even if I want to go, I rebooked my flight.

But of course, I am happy that I was able to schedule my flight on November 5-8! Yes, I can go to Super Junior’s 10th Anniversary party, if there is! I think it is a hidden blessing, because my main agenda is to see you and make me relive the past of really getting into you…

I know, I have a lot of promises that I broke… I am deeply sorry for that. I am also sorry for being missing in action about SuJu, but I want to tell you that even if I am very busy, I still keep myself updated about you. Seeing the members, and of course, you, make me stay stronger and happier, so I am thankful for that.

I am also thankful that for all these years, you never gave up and you let Super Junior shine. Thank you for being a very awesome and dedicated leader that your members love you very much. Thank you for being stronger everyday.

Jungsoo, I really want to see you. I really do, so I will do my best to see you.

I promise.

I also promise that no matter what happens, even if other groups come in my way, I will still see you as my number one.

My wish is for you to have good health, more growth in terms of career as singer, emcee, host and artist. I also wish for your family and friend’s prosperity. I also wish for you to marry a woman who would really take care of you, see you only, and love you forever without excuses. Lastly, I wish that Super Junior would remain forever.

Again, thank you so much, sorry and I love you.


immortalsoul123 (Ana)

P.S. Here is my gift for you because you will always be my angel.




Super Junior – Mamacita Comeback Preview Teaser Images + Teaser Videos + Highlight Medley


Super Junior is coming back with Mamacita!

After two years of hiatus, Super Junior will finally release their 7th album with Leeteuk, who just got back from the army, Heechul, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk Donghae, Siwon, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun.

Quoted from SM, “The title song ‘MAMACITA(AYAYA)’ is an Urban New Jack Swing genre song, with drum sound based on rhythmical Indian Percussion and piano melody.”

Super Junior will be having their comeback stages on KBS Music Bank on August 29, MBC Music Core on August 30 and SBS Inkigayo on August 31. The album is set to be released on August 29 for digital album and September 1 for physical album. We are excited to see how the Hallyu Emperors would take over the world again!

Here are the teaser photos released by SM:

1st Batch (Released August 21): https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.948076168541620.1073741830.169503939732184&type=1

2nd Batch (Released August 22): https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.948631058486131.1073741831.169503939732184&type=1

3rd Batch (Released August 23): https://www.facebook.com/sjunitedph/posts/949278411754729

4th Batch (Released August 24): http://www.gurupop.com/fanclubs/superjunior/335597

Here are the comeback teaser videos:

KBS Music Bank: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqFKXtHQ6y0

MBC Music Bank: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SupdzqdYeIw

SBS Inkigayo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOZ5tzGGG70

Music Video Teaser 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt5M3DdUXzA

Music Video Teaser 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxYjoCD5mDA

Highlight Medley: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT0Rv1xUdyA


(MOD POST) Happy Birthday Leeteuk!

So… this is so late… because only 1 hour left and it’s already July 2 – meaning, Leeteuk’s special day is finally over. Don’t worry, I have reasons. Hihi. You’ll know later.

Anyway… as usual, I would want to wish Park Jungsoo a happy birthday. I know that he is not home to celebrate with his loved ones but I hope that he has a wonderful day today.

Actually, there isn’t any tear-jerking birthday message for him today. Sorry. T-T

I’m joking.

Of course, Leeteuk is my most favorite, most special, most loved person (after my family of course) in the whole wide world. Woo. Kiligin ka.

I know that I have been busy spazzing with Leo lately, but then I know that he knows (of course he really doesn’t) that 100% percent of my heart belongs to him. I have another heart for others though. HAHAHAHA just joking.

I don’t have a lengthy message for him (I actually do, but maybe I’ll write it soon). BBBBBBut!

I have two gifts for him.

I composed a song for him. Hehe. I planned this last time too, but it’s too difficult! T-T

It’s more than a minute long and it’s acapella (because I have a hard time composing it using the piano, I’ve tried a lot of melodies but I failed). I still failed, however, because I basically did adlibs only that was why my voice was shaky and sometimes flat (sorry about that). I put the lyrics in the video too. Also, I apologize if I would cause a thunderstorm for this.

This song sounds like a musical piece because it’s so random. Yeah, I’m sorry if I failed big time. And sorry if it’s not Korean. HAHAHA Maybe next time when I finally learn how to speak the language.

Hehe. Here it is… Please don’t laugh!

A Promise

And my second gift… is a sketch of him. I apologize again if the drawing doesn’t look like him. Hehe. Will improve next time. I hope.

Will post this later maybe on Saturday. Hoho. I am not yet finished. XD

Park Jungsoo, thank you for being born. Thank you for being you. Biglang ganun. It’s only a month left and we’ll finally see you back with Super Junior again. I sincerely missed you and your craziness, your dorkiness, your mistakes, your insecurities, your emo-ness, etc. But I also missed your voice, your moves, your laugh, your dimples, your smile, your eyes, your piano skills, your emcee skills, your talents, your dedication, your strength, your leadership and everything about you. This is another chapter of your life because another year has been added. No, you’re not old. You just aged a little bit, so don’t be insecure about it. Everyone grows old, everyone ages. And be proud because you are mature now. Be proud because you are loved by everyone (well, there are still haters but I bet haters also miss you and they secretly love you).

Don’t get too sad if there are ELF who finally left the fandom (you might say that I left the fandom because of the VIXX spazzing, but the truth is, I didn’t, don’t and won’t leave this fandom. I won’t leave you. I promised to hold your hand and not let go forever, right?). I won’t say they are not true ELF because I know, deep inside their hearts that there is still, even slight, a Super Junior part. It’s not about the people who left, it’s about the people who stayed.

Just be happy with your life. I wish you all the success in life (you are almost there, just find someone you would marry haha). Just be yourself. Positive, negative – it’s what you are. It’s who you are. It’s what makes you Leeteuk – the only one in the world. The only one in my heart. Naks.

Oh wait, before I forget, I would ratify my promise. I will hold your hand and never let go unless there is someone else you like to hold your hand for the rest of your life – someone else you would love and be with for the rest of eternity. I won’t be selfish when that time comes. And I won’t cry, don’t worry. I’ll be sad for myself, yes, but I won’t cry because it’s your happiness. XD Why did I even say it here?


Happy birthday Leeteuk, my Angel Hair Pasta, my Itik, my ChopinTeuk, my RattaTeukie, my Immortal Soul, my Fantasy, my Jungsoonim.

I love you, and I will always love you.

Ugh I am so cheesy, I feel so weird when I say ‘my’. I know you’re not mine, but still… HAHAHA

(MOD POST) Stay Strong Park Jungsoo

I went home, knowing that Jungsoo’s father and grandparents died in a car accident. I felt blank. I was very sad for Leeteuk who lost three most important people in his life in just a snap. Losing one is sad enough, what more if it is three? I cried, and wished I was with him to comfort him.

Earlier, when I was on my way home, I suddenly felt the urge to visit him in Korea for no definite reason. I just felt that I wanted to go to him and hug him for no reason at all. I didn’t know why, but I felt that I needed to go there.

I thought that I was just missing him, but… it was something else.

Condolences to Jungsoo and his family. I hope they can mourn in private.

Jungsoo, I want to say sorry… because I could not be there with you now that you’re in one of the darkest hours of your life, but I just want you to know that even if we’re apart, I am still holding your hand and I won’t let go of it, especially now. You were grateful to your father and grandparents, and I know, even if they are all in heaven now, they are still going to watch you and they are so proud of you, because you are one of a kind, their special angel. Super Junior members, other artists, ELF and other fandoms are protecting you and we all love you so please stay strong.

#StayStrongParkJungsoo. We will pray for you and your family.

(MOD POST) Happy Birthday Leeteuk!

Happy birthday to my one and only love, Park Jungsoo, also known as Leeteuk! How are you now? I hope you are doing fine and you are still healthy.

It has been 242 days – or not, if I lost count. To be honest, I didn’t miss you everyday, though there would be days I would miss you like crazy. I actually watched your interviews and snippets of your musical, and I was, and up until now, I am still proud of you. Even though you are not in the limelight anymore, even though you are just that Park Jungsoo who does his best to serve your country in the army, you are still the same person that we, your fans, knew.  You might disagree because you think that Leeteuk and Park Jungsoo are completely opposites but I think your similarities are quite visible. ^^ Anyway, I saw you once in an interview, you were not smiling. I just hope you would. :”) Don’t worry, dude, kuya (brother), you are still a great entertainer! So you have to cheer up. That person still loves you~

You know, I still cry whenever I listen to Only U. I still cry whenever I hear you sing. You may not be the best singer, the best dancer, the best actor, you are definitely the best person for most people. Believe me. You always put us to tears whenever we see you, whenever people are misjudging you.

Some people hated you, disliked you and underestimated you even if you are serving the army… but you are slowly proving that you are worth the respect. As the obedient and loving son of your parents, as the caring and supportive brother to your sister,  as thevloyal and faithful friend to your friends, as the inspiration to your ELF, and as the best leader of Super Junior whose members follow your footsteps, you are worth everything. You are worth the love, respect and understanding of all people. I may not be someone who has known you personally, but I know, deep in my heart, that all of these traits are you. And I have loved you for these traits. Oops, cheesy,  but it is true.

And there is something I want to apologize for even if you are not directly affected. I really wished to celebrate your birthday in your homeland but I think I can’t. I am really regretting it. I was hoping to breathe the same air as you on July 1st. It sucked that I wasn’t able to keep that promise. Ugh.

To be honest, I was worrying about writing my birthday message to you. I was thinking how to celebrate your birthday now that our trip to Korea was canceled. Weird, because you won’t hear nor see nor read my message to you, but still… it is like celebrating the birthday of your favorite doll. Haha. I don’t know to express myself to you until now, because we are all saying same things to you. I am sorry about that~ I lack creativity. But here I am.

I know every fan has a special promise to you. And aside from waiting for you to come back (it is actually given). Waiting for you is one promise that I would not be able to break. And there is one more…

I will hold your hands and never let go.

There. I said it again.

Now for my birthday wish (I am sorry to those people reading this nonsense right now – I really like writing a novel for Jungsoonim).

Dear Park Jungsoo, you are 31 now. Hehe. Don’t feel offended if some people (including me) are calling you old or ahjussi or the similar terms. Haha. It doesn’t mean we are mocking your age. Sometimes, it is an endearment (I know you know it, too). I love you regardless of your age, Jungsoonim (yes, I came up with this nickname for you). I just wish for you to have more blessings in the future. Hardships and downfalls are still here, but use all the good things in your life to stand back on your feet. I also wish for you to have the best life you could have, to your family, to your friends, to your career, to your health, to your work and to the most crucial of all – your lovelife. I wish that the person that you found would say yes to you so that you can get married already. Not that I am (or we are) telling you to marry fast, but I think I am (or we are) ready to see you proposing to someone, walking the aisle, marrying that lucky person. Haha! What else… oh, and lastly, I just want you to be happy. 😀

This is it, I am done. Sorry for keeping this post long~ I just want to post this just in case he would read it in the future. Though impossible, let us just hope. Woohoo.

I love you, Jungsoonim.

See you later! 🙂
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(RP) Random Feelings

OTL I suddenly have a random Jungsoonim feels. 😦 It’s been three days straight now. And I even dreamed about him last night. It was a funny and embarrassing dream so I don’t want to remember it.

Seriously all those pictures of him… I think I have to stop looking at them so that I won’t miss him more.

Wow. Random feels. I suddenly want to listen to Only U.

(RP) Temporary Escape – For Leeteuk

Until now, I don’t have a definite farewell message for Leeteuk. Maybe because he’s not really saying goodbye but he is only saying a mere “see you again later”. If I say that this is a farewell message, it seems that he’s not coming back. Or… to be more realistic, I am not coming back and I will not wait.

Instead of posting purely about Teuk’s enlistment, I will have a confession to make first. Then I’ll write a brief message for Teuk.

Having this blog has been the best thing that ever happened to me (referring to the online world). I started writing (or to be specific, copying and pasting news and other information here). Then I learned to write my own insights regarding news or information, and my comments were written in Italics and sometimes, I was not writing at all if I did not have any comment.

I fell in love with blogging when I started posting about the boys’ cyworld updates and posts, and that was what I loved the most. I tried to comment after these cyworld posts and whatnot, and I felt like I was replying to everything even if it wasn’t even read. I just liked the fact that at least, I was able to comment or something.

I don’t remember whose cyworld update I blogged first, but I’ll be really honest. Because Leeteuk had been writing and updating A LOT in his cyworld, I got fond of posting his cyworld updates and commented in each and everyone of them. He’s the person who had the most number of updates. It was since July of 2009, I think.

It started from just commenting, then I realized that I was already replyimg directly to him, meaning, I was commenting using his name, as if I was really talking to him. Instead of using third person,  I used second person, referring to him. It felt like I was replying in his cyworld, but through my blog (that time I did not have any cyworld – I didn’t know how to make one). I grew attached to it, that I nearly forgot about my studies, although I’m not saying it’s all because of that. Then, that is when my feelings grew for Leeteuk. I mean, I liked it when he was almost everyday writing about random stuffs, cheesy lines,  emotional posts, all his feelings about his day and even criticisms. I was always looking forward to reply to every single update about his posts.

Then, it came to a point when I thought that he was replying to me.

I was silly then, because I thought that we were chatting using our blogs, even if I was the only ome referring to a specific person, and he was referring to general and unknown person. So that time, I became more and more addicted to comment, or reply to be more specific,  at the same time, I became more and more attached and “in love” with him. Instantly, he became my bias by then.

I started watching Sukira, searching every news about him – positive or negative. I lead to think of extreme things too.

Then came a moment when I thought of extreme things that made me more delusional. So I decided to temporarily quit blogging and focus on my studies.

But I still knew about Teuk’s updates… especially about his cyworld.

Then I came back after a term (three months). And when I blogged again, I asked if you (my readers) missed me.

And I got a reply the next day.

“There are times I miss you like crazy.”

My heart really exploded,  my feelings became unclear. Is that even possible? I tended to look on my fantasy too much, but I kept it all to myself because I wasn’t sure. I wanted to believe that it was for me and I wanted to believe that it was for another person.

But thanks to that post, I woke up from my dreams – coincidence. It’s just a coincidence. Everything was just my delusions. He’s too far that I began to see life with him as if I was with him for real. The bell rang in my mind. It was time to stop.

After new year (2010), I realized that Leeteuk seldomly updated his cyworld. I felt really sad about it. But on the lighter note, I thought that in that way, I would not be delusional anymore, thinking that we’re chatting, that he’s referring to me in every post that he made. I stopped posting about cyworld updates – I grew tired of it and of my delusional habit.

Yes, I stopped, to be honest. But the feeling was still there, it was still deep that I could not get up anymore.

Until now, to be honest. I am thinking, of all the people, why Leeteuk? Why did I ‘fall’ for him? Why to a celebrity? Why to someone who does not even know me?  Why to someone that I’ll not be able to talk with? Why to someone that is so far away?

It hurts… that I need to live with my fantasies. Now, I know the difference between possible and impossible. What I imagined about him and me will NEVER be real. It’s just a false thinking.

I told myself that I’ll be less involved. That I’ll return to where I started – just a fan. And fortunately, it happened. Not that I stopped loving SJ and Teuk, I still do, but as a plain fan with no delusions at all.

And now that he’s leaving the limelight for the army, he was farther than the usual. I am used to it. Although I told myself that I needed not be sad, I will still be, but not as deep as before. Maybe I will cry on the day itself because to be honest, even if he’s still outside the army,  I already miss him. He’s still my number 1 anyway.

Now… Teukie… But then… I won’t be sad after that. For two years that you’re not outside, I’ll be a better person and a cheerful one as well. Just like how you wanted yourself be. It’s just two years… I’ve been a Teuk biased for three years, so compared to two years, it is faster. I might have my life far away from delusions – sticking to my reality, but I’ll still wait for you to come back.  Just like what I promised before – I will hold your hand and never let go.

See you again later… my angel hair pasta.

Super Junior – Come To Play Cuts (MBC)

[120723] Talk about Receiving a real Golden Disk from Chinese Fans

[120723] Super Junior Songs Remix

[120723] Eunhyuk Dancing

[120723] Talk about Stage Performance

[120723] Shindong and Eunhyuk Dancing Cut

Credit: oniongring, simhy