I miss the times when I used to only see you among all people.
I miss the times when I used to only listen to you.
I miss the times when I used to only care for you.
I miss the times when I used to only love you.
I miss the times when I used to only see you among all people.
I miss the times when I used to only listen to you.
I miss the times when I used to only care for you.
I miss the times when I used to only love you.
Unknown to most people, except those who followed me and my tweets in Twitter and Facebook live, my sister and I went back to South Korea a week before. We celebrated our birthday together there. Only the two of us went there; it’s a surprise that our parents actually let us travel together alone.
It was my sister’s eighteenth and my twenty-fourth birthday exactly last week.
The decision to go to SK was so sudden, but the trigger point was the schedule of Ken’s musical, which was, fortunately, during our plan of stay. A lot of things happened first before we could actually submit all the requirements and buy the round trip tickets. But for only three weeks of preparation, we decided to finally go.
Actually, I planned to make an itinerary but I was too busy lately. Work was tough, and even my physical and emotional states were not okay. It’s a good thing that I was able to take a journey to South Korea as a breather. Almost no one in the office knew that I went to South Korea, except when I was already there. Because of all the Facebook Live streaming that I did, they finally found out.
Our first night was, well, exhausting. Although we arrived at the airport ten minutes earlier than our scheduled time, we took at least an hour finding our way out, including the immigration, money exchange and the retrieval of baggage. Incheon International Airport was really huge.
We also looked for the stall where we borrowed a pocket WiFi which was already prepaid before the trip. I actually thought that the data was unlimited. It turned out that we only had 1 GB per day. So back home I face-palmed myself so hard because I knew I used a lot of data for my FB Live.
We also struggled to withdraw from the Global ATM. I had tried withdrawing for about three times before I was able to withdraw some money from Woori Bank. Back in the PH, I actually forgot to withdraw so I hoped to do it in South Korea. However, I almost panicked when my card did not work using Shinhan ATM. Then I tried to withdraw from Woori Bank and fortunately, it was granted.
Anyway, we took the airport limo 6002. We waited for about 20 minutes before we got in, and after an hour and a half, we reached our hostel. It was almost twelve in the midnight and it was so cold – we were only wearing a sweater and a jacket/coat, so we felt freezing, especially when we struggled to walk to find our hostel.
We stayed at Hostel Beige 2nd at Dongdaemun. The hostel was great, clean, and it was really close to the airport limo station, restaurants, shops and convenience stores. The staff there were also friendly; even trying to accompany us during our stay. Upon our arrival, we decided not to go out anymore so we just stayed there.
The next day, we went to Lotte World through the subway. I’ve always found Seoul’s subway convenient. At first, we forgot to buy some T-Money cards so we went to a convenience store, thanks to the concerned citizen who thought us how to. Well, we had already used the subway and the card before but the card was provided by a host before, so we were not able to experience buying it somewhere else. Loading it was a breeze though, because we had already experienced that during our first time in SK.
We actually arrived there at lunch time because we were too tired to go out of the hostel. I knew it was not wise to go to other country only for four days without making use of all the time that we had, but we still did. That was the only itinerary that we had that day. We went to the Lotte World Adventure, rode some rides, ate at Lotteria and a Japanese restaurant and basically we did some sight seeings. We shopped for some clothes in the underground mall and heard The Closer played there.
Again, we took the subway despite my sister’s request to take the cab instead – because it was expensive.
On that night, we celebrated our birthday two times – one at 12am KST, then 12am PST. Haha!
The next day, we went early to Myeongdong Cathedral to attend the mass since it was our birthday and also it was Sunday. We got late at the 9am mass where English mass was celebrated, so we contemplated if we’d attend the next mass instead. We found a lot of foreigners though during our visit so we decided to attend the mass in Korean. Basically, it had the same program as our mass in the PH, so we were not struggling to adjust.
After the mass, we went to Myeongdong underground mall to shop and also to find Mom’s House Cafe. And we successfully did! But because we were too hungry, we went to Loco Quan restaurant across the street instead. The pork was delicious, and there were a lot of celebrities went there. Congrats Haha! Your restaurant rocks!
Anyway, after the meal, we went to Hongik Daehakro Art Center for Ken’s musical. Again, we were late to actually see Jaehwan coming, so we waited for our schedule instead at 2pm. I will make a separate post about it later. But overall, I think Jaehwan did really well!
The theater was actually a station away from our hostel, but we decided to go back to Myeongdong instead of going back to the hostel.
Then we went to Mom’s Cafe and stayed there for at least an hour, drinking green tea and also buying a slice of cake for our birthday. We stayed and listened to Kyuhyun’s song, and watched Kyuhyun’s video. It was indeed very cozy and comfortable. I liked the place so much.
We shopped across the steet for my family’s requested stuff and also for pasalubong. After that, we ate dinner at Hongbar, where we were served unli-meat and was a kind of buffet restaurant. The first serving was too many for us so we didn’t go for a second round, also leaving a plate of unconsumed meat.
The next day was our last day. We checked out at the hostel and left our luggage there. We had our brunch at Lotteria again then went to go to the entertainment companies. First, we went to Apgujeong for Jellyfish Entertainment. It was a long walk, even after when we get back to the train station. We passed by the company awkwardly because normal people were looking at us lol. We were not able to stay because there was literally no fans waiting outside, so we just recorded an FB live for about five minutes, snapped some photos and that’s it.
I swear, I could have seen Hana of Gugudan but I was not quite sure if it was her because the person was wearing sunglasses and had her hair tied and was talking to the phone. But she looked exactly like her. I almost danced to Na Gateun Ae to confirm. Haha!
Anyway, we then went back to the station and after being lost, we were able to go to Apgujeong Rodeo. Upon alighting the train, we went to the lobby and saw Got7 standees! Of course, I took a photo of my fave members. Then we went out and saw the Gangnam dolls. Again, this was mostly FB live so… The cold wind at -2 to -5 degrees Celcius greeted us.
Then, we went to SM Entertainment and snapped a photo of it, then FB live. Like in Jellyfish, we didn’t stay for too long, because it was awkward, although there were some fans who went after us too and took photos too. There was no one around except the construction ahjussi who asked us to move because there was a construction beside SMEnt. So we went to JYP Entertainment. I swear, because it was too near SMEnt, SM and JYP artists may date secretly around the area.
Out of all three companies that we visited, I think, we stayed in JYP the longest, because there were fans waiting outside, and there was a Dunkin Donuts outside too. We snapped a photo and of course, FB Live again. After ordering from Dunkin Donuts, we decided to go since our flight was at 9:30 and we had to be at the airport by at least 7:30. We went back to our hostel by 5 pm and decided to leave, however, our host talked to us about a lot of things and it took us 1 hour.
We left and waited for the airport limo to arrive. After 20 minutes, it arrived and we reached the airport by 8pm and checked in right after. Seeing the airport photos of Kyuhyun, we knew that we were too late, and also N was there. We took our chances to look for him but found out that his plane had arrived about five minutes during our check in so we failed to see him too.
That was when it got nerve-wrecking. At 8:10pm, we returned the pocket WiFi. At 8:15pm, we looked for a restaurant where we could eat dinner and found one by 8:20pm. We ordered the usual food and ate as fast as we could and by 8:45pm, we finished eating. Because we could not just run after eating a meal, we decided to rest and went to the security gate by 8:50pm. For ten minutes, we lined up so that the security could check our bags. We were still at the security at 9:00pm. My heart started to beat fast because the gate would close by 9:10pm. Because I was held longer due to the coins that they found in my bag, and my laptop that was inside the bag, it took us another 5 minutes. It’s already 9:05pm when I passed the immigration. My sister and I ran as fast as we could. We ran passing two huge escalators, with me holding my laptop, coat, watch and bag. Gladly, the train was already there when we arrived so we entered it. It was already 9:10pm and I swear, my heart was going to explode because of either restlessness or nervousness or tiredness. We ran up the escalators again, despite people blocking our way. Good thing, the gate where we would be entering was a minute walk only from the escalators. We went down the escalator again to gate 119. When we arrived, we were already called for the last call. We almost shouted present and thank God, we made it on time!
The flight was delayed; my throat was drying, but we finally made it inside the plane.
It was the longest 12 minutes of my life.
So after a few minutes, we bid South Korea goodbye. It was fun, although I wasn’t able to see Jungsoo – but I got to see Jaehwan in person (and Hongbin in a standee, VIXX, Heechul in a poster, Heechul and Kyuhyun in the TV, Gugudan in the TV also).
I am looking forward to coming back again.
How I wish I could stay in love with you for the longest time. But I feel like I am drifting away from you. It’s just tiring that I do everything for you but you never do anything back.
I should have known better.
Sadly, I can’t love you the way I loved you before.
I can’t seem to sleep nowadays. There are times when I feel really tired but sleep is what I needed.
I was near to collapsing hours ago so I went home earlier. It was kind of scary but I think it would be better. At least to rest for an hour or two.
It is what it is. No matter what, it’s how it works. But don’t take viewers or readers lightly. They know. It is just that they keep quiet or pretend that they don’t.
I know. And I understand. I don’t pretend because it is what it is. I know, because I’ve learned to see the truth just by looking at the lies.
I am a pretty good judge of character.
Our similarities are scary.
It is as if we are connected together. I know that it was just a coincidence but somehow, it felt right…
I know I am delusional.
But it is okay to be delusional if it is you. 🙂
I understand that you want to erase some of your memories but you can’t do that. But don’t think that you don’t have any escape. Sure, you can’t erase those memories and forget about their existence, but you can create and replace them with good memories that you can keep forever.
Endless cough. It has been a week. -_-
This is for someone who used to read this, at least I thought so.
I couldn’t count how many times I wanted to give up on you. I couldn’t count how many times I wanted to just keep the memories inside my head. I couldn’t count how many times I wanted to say goodbye.
I told you that it’s over and that I could not go on anymore, that I was starting to doubt my feelings for you. I thought it was just an illusion. It has been years – it must have been true love. I told you that it was, but that time, I wasn’t sure. However, I had not a slightest idea that you even cared about it.
There came that time when I became afraid of what would this feelings for you make me in the future. I couldn’t just hope forever, could I?
I told you that I would just return as how it was before when it was not this complicated. I told you that I lost the game that only I created. You never played. I just imagined that you did. In reality, you never did.
I raised my white flag because I couldn’t keep my promise to only look at you, to hold your hand forever and never let go, to only love you. I knew you couldn’t care less about me loving you from afar.
With that, I was very sorry.
I moved on. When I thought I had already done it, I was wrong. For whatever reason, I suddenly missed you. I missed your smile, your tears, your laughter, your cries. I missed the way you treated the people around you with love, concern and respect. I missed the way you made my heart jump whenever I would see you. I missed the times when I regarded you as the reason why I wanted to be alive everyday.
You still are.
I realized it when I saw your photos and all of a sudden, my tears fell. I didn’t know why tears just kept falling continuously as I looked at your photos.
I realized that I was a mess. It was too late. I fell for you deeply that I could not climb my way back to reality. I fell for you so hard that I could not stand and move on with life.
I don’t understand. What is it in you that makes me stay? What is it in you that makes me not turn my back? What is it in you that makes me submerge in pain? What is it in you that makes me fall more and more.
There was only one chance.
Please… slap me back to reality. Tell me that we’re impossible.
Because no matter what, I am still hoping.
It’s been a really long time.
I made this blog hidden for a good reason. I never write here anymore anyway.
I wanted to at least write something about my trip to Korea last November 5 – 8, same date of Super Junior’s 10th Anniversary. I specifically chose the dates because of that special reason. I told myself that if ever I would go to Korea, I would choose July 1 or November 6. For whatever reason, I felt so attached with Super Junior and I had this hope that I would see the reason why I cried tonight.
Just a quick narration of our family trip in Korea – on the first night, we got lost because of me. We rode a bus and missed the bus stop. We took a cab and the driver was very kind. He really tried to understand us even though he was not familiar in English. I used my little knowledge in speaking and writing in Korean. He was talking to me in Korean and I could understand quite a few sentences. There was a time when we actually and literally went around Gwanghwamun to find the hostel. We lost our ability to comprehend because we were truly hungry so I asked the cab driver to stop. He was still smiling and I was still thinking that he was very nice.
So, we just sat there, contemplating if we would get another hostel but I was reluctant. A kind man who looked like someone familiar helped us on our way to finding our hostel which was, mind you, right in front of where we were sitting.
No, he wasn’t a familiar Korean. This will not become a fan fiction.
He was a Filipino and heaven knew (he also admitted) that he was a singer in the Philippines. He was very familiar though… it’s like I had seen him on TV.
Anyway, we met our Korean host, and she told us that she thought we weren’t coming. She waited for hours. I felt so guilty so I kept on apologizing. She was very nice and accommodating, and the room that we rented was very clean. I would definitely get that again if I return.
So we were very hungry and sleepy. We lost our chance to go to the lantern festival near our place. We also lost our itinerary that I made especially for our stay because I planned not to go with a tourist guide.
As a first timer, we were kind of average to good tourist. Thanks for being into KPOP for almost 7 years. My parents were relying on me and my sister. I was happy that I was able to write and read Hangul and sort of understand Korean so we sort of survived our first official day. We went to Nami Island. Before going there, we got lost because we were not familiar with the subway. Korean subways are like Hong Kong and Singapore subways – they all had a lot of lines and connecting stations. Had we not read Korean words, we would not survive a day without riding a cab and we would really be bankrupt. But subways were good for the budget, especially if our budget was limited to less than 50,000 won for the four of us. We kind of exceeded the limit though because of cabs and buses which was more expensive than the trains. My mom would always get stuck in the entrance and exit because she would double tap the card or the card wouldn’t be read. She would always tap the card wrongly for whatever reason, the subway really hated her but of course, it was the easiest, cheapest and the fastest way – we couldn’t say no to it.
We bought the T-Money card and I loaded it – machines were easy to use.
So to get to our destination, I pre-booked a tour bus, but when we got there, I was informed that we had no reservation. So I confirmed in my email – thanks to the mobile wi-fi speed in Korea, that my reservation was not accepted. Of course, I apologized after fighting with the reservation officer. My father was of course mad because he was usually like that. He would always want everything planned ahead. And it was planned ahead – it wasn’t just executed very well.
So we rode the train again and we were glad to reach our destination after almost two hours. We ate at restaurant near the dock that served Galbi, and there we heard Kyuhyun’s A Million Pieces. I was overjoyed because I had been seeing him in the bus and in the streets and hearing him everywhere. We wanted to try the zipline to Nami Island but still, we were still on a budget. We bought a ticket for the ferry ride and went to Nami Island. Because I was a nature person, I enjoyed singing At Gwanghwamun while walking. We also took a lot of pictures because it was a picture worthy place.
Then we went back as early as possible to go to our next destination – the Han River. I pre-booked the ticket for the cruise and we had no problem except that it rained and it was too damn cold. We were there earlier so we ate at Lotteria before going to the cruise. We bought some chips and I swear, it was the best chips that I’ve ever tasted. I forgot the name though but it was mixture of sweet and cheesy. We sat on the benches while waiting for our turn to ride the cruise while eating and while listening to Taeyeon’s whole album courtesy of the restaurants around.
It was really cold that we decided to enter the waiting area. It was about two hours when we rode the cruise. I liked it, however it was a bit non-enjoyable. My sister and I, despite of the cold weather went out the cruise and some Korean guys took photos with us. They actually told us we’re pretty of course, I knew they were just joking around but the hell, we still said ‘thank you’.
Then we went home. I encountered a very displeasing person on our way home. She wasn’t Korean – that’s a clue. I would not tell the story though.
That night also was Super Junior’s 10th anniversary. I kind of regretted the fact that I wasn’t able to greet them properly so I would say it now: Guys, congratulations on your 10th anniversary! I have been following you for almost seven years and I am so happy that you reached your 10th anniversary despite of all the trials and challenges. I am so happy to breathe the same air as you on your anniversary. Even though, I didn’t tweet that much, I was still happy. Thank you and I love you. Let’s run together more!
Okay it was short and done, but I think I made my point.
Back to the narration. So we prepared for the night only then I realized that I lost my itinerary. I thought that I left it with the good cab driver the night before, so I created a new itinerary – a quite quick itinerary actually, because I barely couldn’t remember anything that I wrote, even the budget that I allotted for the whole trip. All I could remember was that I planned to go to Korean Folk Village the next day and return to watch VIXX Ken’s Cinderella musical in the evening… and of course go to Apgujeong for Kona Beans, then go to Gangnam for the KPOP Star Road – at least alone – but I ended up tagging my sister along with me. I bought her a ticket for Ken’s musical as well. She was lucky enough to get a close seat.
The next day, we went to Korean Folk Village and we got lost again because we rode a bus. On our way, we saw Werther (Kyuhyun’s musical) advertisements. Then we reached Yonsei University – which was, mind you, very elegant, and very beautiful campus.
We were noob in this, sorry, so we took a cab to go to Korean Folk Village. As usual, I was able to book our tickets.
It was raining so it was muddy. I enjoyed seeing the folk village but not as much because my boots had mud. I had to go to the musical later that day but I already looked dirty. I had a confession to make – I couldn’t walk nicely. It would usually happen, even back in the Philippines. The Korean Folk Village was really nice too to be honest. We saw the live actings of actors and we saw how Koreans lived way back before. I was also amused because it had some kiddy rides there.
We ate after and waited for the shuttle back to Suwon. It was almost a forty-five minute ride and I was panicking because we might not be able to go to Ken’s musical. But we made it after getting lost again. The mall in Suwon though was tempting, by the way. It was heaven for me because of the shoes!
So we went to Dongdaemun to go to Chungmu Art Hall. We were an hour earlier so I was thankful enough to hail a cab for my parents. After having a difficult time telling the driver where he would drive my parents to, thanks to my limited and rotten Korean speaking skills, he drove away. I asked our host to see if they were back in the hostel. I actually planned for them to go to Dongdaemun Shopping District, had my sister not watched the musical with me. She wasn’t really interested with Ken and VIXX in general so we were kind of in war especially when it came to VIXX. I was thankful though because she went with me or else I would get so out of place.
I could recognize a lot of Starlights, and I was also about to meet my Starlight friends who would watch the musical, Rein and Cami. I saw them separately though.
I was getting insane because I learned that Leo actually went to the musical to watch Ken on that same day when we watched it. If only I chose to watch the 3pm show, I would not be regretting because Rein and Cami saw him. But still, KEo!
The musical started. I was cursing inside my head while Ken was performing because his voice was out of this world. On the same day, Kyuhyun was having his concert also – I was regretting not to come because the ticket was quickly sold out and my parents didn’t allow me to have one more event.
Cinderella musical was awesome. I actually felt all the emotions, laughed, clapped, gasped and frowned if needed. The set was beautiful, and Cinderella’s and Fairy Godmother’s transformations were priceless. Of course, the other characters did well too. Especially Ken. I swear, I saw him looking at me once (glanced, to be exact) but when I looked back at him he looked away. I might be delusional though, but I hope he was thinking, “Why does a foreigner here? Does she even understand this?” That kind of look. I was actually on the seventh row on the most side of the center. Maybe he saw me, or maybe not, but anyway, the point was his voice was on point. Acting was superb too.
I thought it was the last Cinderella so I chose that one, but then they told everyone that they would be having an encore so my hopes went down for a mini-fanmeeting with Ken after.
Reini, my sister, and I went to the back to wait for Ken. I was able to see him saying bye and thank you to us before he went inside the van. He opened the side window and said goodbye and thanks (or no thanks) to that person who flashed her camera on Ken’s face, I captured a video of him. But then it was my first time to get up close for an idol, but I still kept my distance because idols were also humans who get angry when provoked.
So, it turned out that he was the only celebrity that I saw for the whole trip.
Then we said bye to Cami and Reini while we parted our ways in the subway. My sister and I went to Apgujeong for obviously Kona Beans. In Apgujeong, I saw VIXX’s advertisement for Chained Up, and also a birthday advertisement for Leo.
We followed the direction to Kona Beans and we got lost again. We reached Kona Beans by 11:10 PM KST. And of course, it was already closing. I didn’t know that it would close at 11PM – I thought that it would close at 12am!
So we went there for almost nothing. I gave up because my tummy was aching too much because of hunger.
We just went to sneak if someone was still inside and we saw a beautiful lady wearing white – she was very far so I couldn’t confirm if she was Jungsoo’s mom. Out of nervousness, and out of respect, we decided to not approach her to take a photo with her.
Losing both our hope and our stomach, we went inside a CVS to buy food and when we went out the store, we saw the beautiful woman going out. Weirdly enough, I panicked so I entered the convenience store again. I was so nervous. I didn’t know why but even though I couldn’t confirm, I was still happy to see her. I think she was really Jungsoo’s mom. Ugh, I am so embarrassed for not knowing her. I learned that she was just walking home. My sister told me to follow her, but I told her that we couldn’t because it would not be good. So we decided to stay, take a video of Kona Beans and walked towards it and saw someone near the cafe. We panicked that we almost backed out together. A man went by and thought we were weirdos.
Then a white car – actually we thought that it was Jungsoo – parked beside Kona Beans but after a while, the car went away after some minutes. And upon realizing that almost every car owner had white car, we just shrugged it off.
We went home disappointed and tired and still hungry. We decided to go back there the morning after to take our chances again of seeing someone. We were panicking because the subway might close but we actually get lost again. We successfully went back to Gyeongbokgung though.
So we ate the same restaurant where we ate the first time we got there. It was pretty value for money.
The next day, my stomach was hurting – maybe because I ate a very spicy food after filling my stomach with air. I wasn’t able to enjoy touring the next day, however, everything changed when we went back to Kona Beans. My parents insisted to go with us so they went with us but out of courtesy (and a little bit of shame) we asked them to stay at Apgujeong Station. We assured that we would be going back by 11am for all of us to go to Myeongdong to shop and buy pasalubong for everyone back home.
At last, the coffee shop was open. I was literally feeling sick because of my stomach and maybe because I was so nervous. I breathed in and out before going inside the cafe.
My sister and I video-blogged our way there, but of course it would be embarrassing to put it here.
Anyway, at last! I saw a lot of Super Junior posters, especially Leeteuk’s – actually all Leeteuk! It was heaven. Really. It was Hawaii-themed cafe. Around, you would see fans’ gifts to Super Junior and Leeteuk, congratulatory flowers and rice wreaths in a room. The coffee scent was aromatic. I was beyond happy. But still, we weren’t able to see Leeteuk’s mom – maybe because she was the one we saw the night before.
I ordered a dark chocolate cake and apparently, Jungsoo recommends it. The crew was so cute and I ship her with Jungsoo – apparently.
My stomach was not really cooperating but I still managed to finish the cake. It was so delicious. I don’t normally enjoy dark chocolate, but I can say it was delicious.
I bought a blue Angel Story pillow case, took the sleeve, the paper bag and the tissues from Kona Beans. I was beyond happy even though we weren’t able to see Jungsoo again. The fact that I went there was beyond amazing.
We went back to the station and we all went to Myeongdong to shop and eat.
There we ate the best meal ever, at almost 100,000 won, not bad, we still enjoyed the meal even though my stomach was really hurting so bad! No, I didn’t poop, if you ask. When we shopped, it just disappeared. Friends back in the Philippines had a lot of things that they wanted us to buy so we bought it all in Myeongdong. I completed my VIXX album collection and also Super Junior’s!
Shopping was cut because we needed to go back by four in the afternoon because we still wanted to go to Gyeongbokgung Palace, our last destination after we headed to the airport. We didn’t stay long and bought tickets though, we just took photos from the outside because of the lack of time.
We went back to the hostel and then after two hours, we went to the airport to wait for our flight.
I think… the thing that I would miss is the people who tried their best to understand you even though you cannot understand them that much. They helped us whenever we got lost.
Second was the food – especially those chips, and that legit Korean meal.
Third – fangirling stuff. I would definitely go back for that.
Fourth – weather. Yes, it was cold, but it was a good kind of cold that made our skin look younger.
I was so happy and when I got home, I wanted to go back again.
I would definitely go back again… next time with friends to fan girl.
I choose both.
Oops, there. I thought I could narrate it in a shorter way, but I guess not. I missed a lot of places to go to but we would surely go back again.
Long time no post.
I told myself that I wouldn’t post any RP’s anymore but I can’t help it.
…I am imagining myself becoming a wife and mother to my future family.
It sucks… I imagine that person as my husband. That we would have three kids. One of them would be a girl and the two would be boys. Keo Marcus and Christian Hamish would be the name of the boys and for our daughter, it would be Amary Gae… I imagine a wonderful life with him.
But I know it can’t happen.
I don’t deserve someone like him. Nor he deserves someone like me. I know, I am not like the person he likes. I am not the person he would like. I can’t fall in love again with the person who can’t be mine.
I want to give it a try but… I am afraid to get hurt. I would rather get hurt now that it’s still unclear. I am the type of person who hopes and dreams so bad that I tend to misunderstand.
I think I am special but I know that I am just another girl who has feelings for him.
As much as my bestfriend tells me to stop building a wall and close my heart for possibilities, I would still do it because I don’t want to get hurt.
I want to get asked for a date. I want someone to care for me and look only at me. I want someone to tell me the words I need to hear. I want someone who would spend his days with me. I want someone to propose to me and to ask me for marriage.
But I know it wouldn’t be him.
Today, I just made a very very very important and painful decision. Before, I would always tell myself, “It’s easy to let go especially if it’s adding to your miseries.” But even so, I still feel guilty. I know that surely it’ll hurt because there is nothing wrong. It’s just that I need to.
I can’t even agree to it. I am too emotional. I can’t accept the fact that it’s the only option that I can do.
But I’ll make sure that it will have positive results. I will make sure that it’s going to be alright.
The title sums it all.
Today is StarWith KPOP concert in Guangzhou and this morning, I was really excited about this. I was quite hyped up when I first learned about it, that I wanted to fly to Guangzhou just for this concert. Why?
Super Junior and VIXX in one concert.
I would have died if I had a chance to be in a concert like this. The two of my most beloved groups in one concert – and I only had one thought in mind – Guangzhou is so lucky.
I am here, still hoping that it would also happen in the Philippines. I don’t care if the tickets are expensive. To see both of them together, in one stage, in one concert is more than enough.
But I was disappointed that I didn’t get to see it happen tonight, even in photos.
Not only that. I was also disappointed because Starlights’ (VIXX’s fans) seats are not even half-full. It is about empty. I don’t know why the organizers planned for them to separate seats and to sell tickets on the day itself for a higher price. That is not actually a good thing to do, even in other concerts, especially when the concert is not even half-sold out. The organizers must have predicted that there would be a loss instead of a profit because:
1. It is not even declared as sold out when they allotted seats or tickets (at least 5% of the total seating capacity). What they did was they blocked almost 50% (as what I could see) of the tickets to be sold on the day itself. Even if Super Junior (and even 2PM) is popular, they shouldn’t have gotten too confident that other fans of the three groups would purchase tickets on the day itself for a higher price.
2. VIXX has their concert soon (theVIXX Fantasia Hex Sign) and most Starlights are not willing to spend money on a concert that would only feature VIXX for a short time. Starlights, except those who are in Guangzhou and who are rich, would rather go to a solo concert, especially because VIXX’s new fans are mostly into newer groups – those who debuted from 2012 onward.
3. Siwon and Heechul fans were not sure of both’s attendance because Siwon has been very busy lately, and Heechul was filming.
4. The venue was too big.
The number of seats are not properly distributed. I would admit, although I hate to admit it, but VIXX isn’t as popular as the other two groups in China. Although they have built a very strong fanbase internationally (just like what SuJu did, tapping the countries that have never been saturated), China is not included in that list. Well, to be fair, I see quite a number of C-Starlights and probably Jellyfish Entertainment would include Guangzhou in their Fantasia Hex Sign concert (or at least Beijing). 2PM might have a large fanbase in China as well, but it is also too much.
The only thing that saved the concert was that ELF filled up the seats assigned to them. I just hope that the organizers put them on the middle. Or, at least, they mixed the seats together so that it would look like there were no vacant sections.
As far as I know, some C-fans were multifandom, although I think it’s not the majority. But if only they didn’t think of separating the fans because ELF, Starlights and Hottests are not competing with each other.
Anyway, N and Wook celebrated their birthday in Guangzhou (I hope they could do that to Hyuk as well). They could have at least combined the celebration. Or they could have done an encore or something, but I think it wouldn’t be the case because it wasn’t a major concert.
Haist. I shouldn’t have kept my hopes high. I should have known this would happen.
I swear, if that happens in the Philippines, I would be one of the happiest people here. I was waiting for that moment (ever since DKFC2).
This is it pancit. This is what I feel right now aside from the fact that I am getting sleepy now.
Still wishing for a group photo though.
I got over the drama last… last… last… week? Ahaha. A week ago. I knew I would be over it soon… I am sorry for the troubles that I caused you.
Anyway… after my drama came another drama… but before that, I would like to segue. When I sang, it rained so hard. So hard I couldn’t even hear myself singing. Rude. Rude. But yey, it rained.
And another segue, there was an earthquake 3 hours ago. I was shocked because after how many years, I got to experience feeling an earthquake again. It was just for awhile but the heck, it was too strong. Prayers to those who are affected (I think there wasn’t anything or anyone though, I hope).
The drama… I am quite worried about Jungsoo. Hehe. I knew deep inside my heart that they dated (it was quite painful until now). I don’t want to judge anyone here, but based on what I saw, I would like to deduce that what I thought about her was wrong. I was given a warning though and I didn’t listen. Anyway, I still like her.
Oh well… Jungsoo has to come back sooner. I want to see his reaction? Or maybe it doesn’t really affect him. I don’t know. We’ll see.
So work has been so tiring but fulfilling. I just earned something today that made me think that I did well for the past three months. Wee. It was a nice experience, but I have this feeling that I want to try something else too.
So, I missed playing volleyball. When we had an outing, I realized that volleyball was what I wanted to do as a hobby. But volleyball hates me sometimes. Hehe.
And I went with my office mates for an outing. Hehe. I snorkeled and I was so happy to see the corals and the fishes (especially that big one… woo). It was too late when I realized, I got cut and wounded by the corals. Hehe. But it was all worth it. Oh, I love the sea. I love water in general.
So I am back… I hope… just for some random posts. AND I WILL BACK, I hope… once SuJu is back. I will post a lot again. YEYEYEYEY. So excited for 7jib!
And VIXX’s Hex Sign!!!
Speaking of VIXX, don’t be sad that I liked another group besides SuJu. I think it’s normal. But to where my heart belongs to, it’ll always be Leeteuk’s. Hehehehehehe. Leo is close second though! ❤
But don’t worry, I am not that delusional who believes that we can be together, Leeteuk. I have come to my senses and accepted that you have someone already. Someone who is waiting for you. Someone who is more loyal than me.
Don’t play the loyalty card again though. It’ll be my weakness.
P.S. I won’t come down for you. HEHEHE
Upon researching and doing background investigations, I realized that the only reason why I was keeping this name (immortalsoul123) was because I could not let go of the past. I could not let go of the things that I used to believe in. I could not let go of the things that I used to delude myself with.
It is suffocating me right now because I am the only one hurting here. Just because I told myself and convinced myself that loving you included negative feelings such as pain and insecurities, I couldn’t help but to be realistic and be logical now. I would not use my heart anymore to hold on to whatever I had back then because to be honest it was the only thing that I had to continue to hold on.
Maybe I would be selfish, but no, you had long been unaware and you had long been messing up with my feelings. It is devastating because I am almost dedicating myself to you as if you’re going to care about it but no. I am sure that you don’t even get affected with all this stupidity, but I do. And I am tired of all these.
Dealing with this love with unsure outcome sucks.
But I think I will be forever thankful for this. It was a great experience, and it taught me a lot of things. I would never hate you. I would not regret loving you and involving myself to you.
At least after I let go of the past, only the pain of regret will be left. Not the pain of regret of loving you but the pain of regret for the consequences in stopping these feelings for you. This may be the most painful one, but this is also the most acceptable kind of pain, if ever I want to start all over again.
I am ready to get hurt.
Time really flies fast. In 50 days, you will be finally coming back. Woah. Two years is just a breeze.
A lot has definitely changed. As I predicted, in two years, things would either be the same or be different.
Let us see if the wait is worth it. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ