(RP) κ·Έλƒ₯

I am tired, I am frustrated. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I don’t know why I feel this.


(RP) Waste

I believe I wasted five long years for not being able to know what I really want to do in life. Looking at my career goals, I feel like I am lost and that I cannot recover anymore, sadly. Whatever happens, I am not going to cry.

I need to get out of here.

But why am I crying?

An Open Letter to all the People Who Hate #Sungmin

This will be, hopefully, my last take about the issue. This is my open letter to the people who hate Sungmin.

Sungmin did not ruin and destroy your lives. You did it yourself.

You chose to be a fan of his group. You chose to follow them wherever you went. You chose to be updated with everything that they did. You chose to dedicate your whole life to them. You chose to make sacrifices for them. You chose to disregard your life for them. You chose to make them your life.

That was the whole point. You chose. It was you who chose which path you would take. And that was NOT any different to what Sungmin did. What makes you think you’re any different? Do you think that the only thing that your idols would do was to make you happy? Was it part of any contract that he signed? Was being single for the rest of his life one of the conditions of his contract as an entertainer? It was not, right? If so, why do you still hate him? So does that mean, if you get married then you betray them too? If it was then could Super Junior ask you to leave the fandom?

You were not biased to one member but went against one. Wasn’t that ironic? Wasn’t that hypocritical?

Did Super Junior really have their downfall when Sungmin got married? Didn’t you know that Super Junior was still hated in South Korea despite of everything that they did, even before that issue. They were still judged by your own people, and you couldn’t do anything about it. You have miserably failed to protect the group that you dedicated your life to, and worse, you were the one who kept on destroying the friendship and the brotherhood that they shared, which, unfortunately, you were never part of.

But what could you do? You kept on pushing yourself to them because you were delusional. Who are you to demand something from them? Your contribution to the group was just a percent compared to those who REALLY contributed. The only advantage that you have is your nationality and the distance that you guys have. That was it. You couldn’t even protect the group from your own people. What a shame.

You think you’re the superiority – let me tell you, without the International fans who were Sungmin fans, and wanted Sungmin to stay, you wouldn’t be enough to make Super Junior survive until now. We have receipts – how about you? What did you do? Bought about 300 albums for the fansign? Not even a chunk of the total albums that they had. Remember that the only edge that you have was your proximity. If it was love or anything, we were greater tenfold.

If he quit, or if Super Junior kick him out, would it make a difference? If he had a gig under Super Junior’s name, wouldn’t anyone benefit? Wouldn’t anyone disregard that fact? You made it happen; it is time for you to stop. You were destroying someone’s dream. He belonged to that stage, but you kept on telling them what to do. You were a devil for doing so.

If you have a secret to tell, expose it. Destroy the whole group, if you dare. I know that somewhere in your heart, there was a room for forgiveness, but seemed to me that you had no heart at all for destroying his dream. Why do you care about him?

You ruined yourself so get over yourself. Not everything was about you.

Don’t blame it on Sungmin and his past mistakes – you were way worst.

(RP) Upset. Really Upset

I cannot help but to get upset because Jungsoo is so hard-headed like, can’t he actually push his schedules back until September or October? Must he really go to work immediately? It has only been two weeks. He needed three months to completely recover and recuperate, yet, he chose to push through. He always tries to keep the pain from us. He keeps on promising that he is going to take care of his body. Everytime he gets sick, he always tries to apologize and say the same thing yet he keeps on pushing himself to the limits. At what cost?

He needs to apologize not only because he keeps on making people worry about him but also he always ignores and hides the pain that he has been feeling. How long was he feeling that? A year? Damn bro. It has been a freaking year. I have always known that gall bladder stones can be treated but he ignored them.

He learned to be dependent and to stand on his own. There is nothing wrong with that but I hope he would listen for once.

I miss him but I do not want to see him not yet fully recovered. I’d rather die not seeing him for several months than to completely lose him because of his hard-headedness.


I just wish he takes care of himself. I mean, for real.

#SS7Manila Hangover

Hello! Long time no post! πŸ˜‚ I have actually been busy these days because I am taking my Masters degree while working. The past two months have been the most exhausting and most busy weeks for me since I started my second term, and the next few weeks would also be busy. But anyways, something happened in the middle of cramming for presentations and written outputs. Yes! You guessed it right! It is the culmination of being almost nine years of being in the ELF fandom. As you all know, I am STILL a Super Junior fan, believe it or not, despite of all the regrets and shortcomings of yours truly. πŸ˜… I am sorry! And because of Super Show 7 Manila, my pearl sapphire blue blood just rushed in my body as I waited for the d-day.

My officemates were more excited than I was, as a matter of fact, they were asking me what I would wear, where was the concert, what time was it, and how long would it go. Well, I was excited and I couldn’t even focus on the last few days of waiting. I was supposed to finish a case study back then but I guess I made sure to prepare for Super Show 7 first. Priorities? πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚ And also it has been freaking 5 years of waiting! It was THAT long! Well, the guys went here two years ago with Jungsoo but sadly I wasn’t able to go – and I cried a lot for that. Imagine going to work with puffy eyes for a week! And it was because I thought I would never see Jungsoo again because… I guess it has been 7 years since I last saw him in Super Show 3 in Manila. As you could remember, I went to South Korea roughly 3 years ago and also in 2016 for my birthday. Sadly, I still wasn’t able to see Jungsoo because Sukira was over and Kona Beans was demolished. πŸ˜… So no means to go there.

So, this Super Show was actually our reunion, probably? πŸ˜‚ Prior to the concert, I was slowly getting tired of waiting for the final announcements if there would be a Super Show here or not. Then Jungsoo actually mentioned in a fan sign event that they’d go to the Philippines for a concert so my hope just increased again. However, the other members were actually not aware of it. πŸ˜… I was losing hope but then it was already announced and I literally cried even if I anticipated that it would happen! πŸ˜… I was informed that there was slight… uh… negotiations about the concert. And it was supposed to happen on Jungsoo’s birthday. But it was pushed back to an earlier day, a day before Jungsoo’s birthday. It was the organizer’s birthday! We called her Inang Reyna because Happee Sy was really the fairy godmother of Kpop fans. And having Super Junior as a bias group, I thought that she’d be happy!

For me, it was also a dream come true because I promised him that I would be in Korea on his birthday but something would always happen that would make us postpone. But now, Jungsoo celebrated his birthday here! Back to my story, the ticketing was announced and I really planned for it. I checked the website earlier, tried how it would work, wrote down my priority seats and asked my sister to work with me in getting tickets.

Then the day came. I prepared everything, laptop, priority sheet and car. I checked the Internet connection and it always failed me. ☹️ But! I asked the help of my sister to book tickets for us. And successfully, I was able to secure tickets for myself and my sister. πŸ˜‡ Not only that. I was lucky enough to get a VIP Seated 222 Row B ticket.

Imagine being that close to the bridge. πŸ˜‚ And it was actually my target row. The seat was slightly… well not my target but it was not bad either because it was a seat apart from what I was targeting. πŸ˜… Anyway, I secured an Upper Box 222 Row B also for my sister. Yes, I didn’t buy a VIP Seated for her because it was too expensive. 😭 But I think she was more than happy.

After a few hours, I checked the site again and found another Upper Box 222 Row A ticket for my sister. ☺️ We sold the Row B ticket and it was sold immediately. 😊

The waiting time was only one month, and I was panicking because the seats for the VIP and Lower Box weren’t sold out yet. Understandably, because the ticket was indeed very expensive and there was a huge jump of amount from Upper Box to Lower Box. I kept on updating the tickets. But until the show day, it wasn’t sold out still. I was kind of disappointed but at least Super Junior enjoyed it here.

Anyway, I wasn’t really able to prepare that much, but we were able to brainstorm prior the concert regarding Shindong’s fanproject!

My friends and I organized a fan support for Shindong. All for the love of our multitalented king. Had we known Dasuri was there, we could have given her a banner. 😭 We held a contest also for the person who could translate our message in Filipino creatively. The Filipino translation was actually not the literal translation but it was creative because it had word play of Shindong’s name. Our last project was for Kangin in Super Show 5 under @ForeverYours850117 on Twitter and it was really awesome. For Shindong, we managed to have a Twitter account under @KAMSAH_SD. KAMSAH was our team members’ initials together.

And to give back every blessing that I received, I gave away one ticket to a lucky person who had achieved a lot of things as a student or as an employee. 🀩 They were incredibly great, and if only I could give them free tickets but I am not rich. πŸ˜… I gave away a Generic Admission Ticket to the most deserving achiever.

A week before the concert, I was not really thinking about it much because I had a case study, presentstions, papers, midterms exam and on top of that, sales presentation and sales analysis to prepare for. I was really busy and because I was busy time passed quickly.

Funny enough that I thought Super Junior actually forgot that they’d have a concert here, or they did not know because no greetings or whatsoever, and no hype from them at all. πŸ˜‚ We understood however, because they were all busy with their individual schedules and gathering them together was really a tough job.

But two days before the concert, they still greeted us! 😭 And that was the time when it finally sunk in. 😭 Here is the link to the video greeting. Seeing them being really excited, I also got excited too. 😊

Okay. I was one of the few people who were aware that Jungsoo and Shindong would go here first. My friends and I kept it as a secret, however, and unfortunately people just spread it like wild fire. πŸ˜… I thought that even if I wanted to share, I couldn’t because maybe they wouldn’t like to be found that was why I kept it. But some people were just dying to share for the follows, the views, and the likes. Sadly, it was announced and people just flodded the airport for them. It was not completely a bad thing because fans who could not go to the concert could see them, and also fans could greet them. I just wished it was less chaotic, and fortunately, it was! It turned well and Jungsoo even greeted them. 😭 At least the fans were mature enough to go. I was in class that time and I couldn’t even concentrate on my Statistics class. πŸ˜…

But then, I was still not informed as to where and why they went earlier. 🀣 I thought they’d be working and assisting in the earlier preparations but at least they didn’t. They went to The Orchard in DasmariΓ±as, Cavite (we initially thought the venue was in Tagaytay Highlands). We knew for sure that it was in the South (I was also in the South that time, near the MoA Arena because I had a meeting in our office). And we wondered how the traffic actually was when they went there. Actually, whenever I was travelling to DasmariΓ±as, I would usually feel tired because the traffic was really traffic there! 😭

And I was really relieved that they got to rest and play golf there. πŸ˜‚ Jungsoo was able to celebrate his birthday (hopefully) here quietly. I couldn’t concentrate and I couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming concert because I was literally two hundred meters from the arena. πŸ˜‚

Anyway, we still had Korean barbeque afterwards. Still near the arena. πŸ˜‚ The other members arrived and obviously, more fans would go. Good thing, it was at least peaceful. πŸ™πŸ»

Then, Jungsoo tweeted and I was really happy. 😭 It made me really excited for the concert the next day.

Because I had assignments, I went home earlier and actually made them. But I still didn’t have any fan card or sign so I made one for Jungsoo, hoping that he’d be able to see it. I did my nails and sadly, I slept at two in the morning even if I had a class at eight in the morning the next day. πŸ˜‚ Because I tried to pray that the weather would not be bad (unlike the previous weeks), I made a bet that if it would rain, I’d have a moment with Jungsoo. But obviously, I wanted otherwise. πŸ˜… But since Super Junior was in the country, it obviously rained. 😫

So after class (which was closer to the Arena), I immediately drove back home (farther) and ate lunch (hello Jollibee), fixed myself and went back with my sister. I had a lot of meetups but I was so busy. 😫 So I tried to drive there as fast as I could. 😭 But the traffic failed me and we ended up getting back to the arena for two hours. 😭 I missed the chance to give away our Shindong banners with my teammates and even meet several ELF that I promised to meet. I was able to meet some, however, when we queued and made some new friends. My fandom friends of almost nine years were there so we met up. Sadly, we were not complete but… still. I was thankful to meet them after a while.

So we arrived in MoA Arena. It was a bit raining and there were a lot of people also. It was sinking in… slowly. 😭 I met some fans and got to know some of them while waiting.

Time passed and it was already almost 7:00pm so we decided to line up and it was really tough because the line almost ended near the big globe. 🀣 Then it rained so hard that we got drenched in the rain. We were five in the line and we had one umbrella only so imagine that. 😭 Good thing the rain stopped but we were already in the covered area. πŸ˜…

Okay so my hair and clothes got wet and when we got in, I actually got really dizzy. At first I tried to convince myself that I could not be dizzy. I felt really weird because I was nervous and excited at the same time. When I found my seat I was really shocked that I was really too near the bridge. 😭

Sadly, I wasn’t able to take a picture of myself with the Shindong banner and even the Leeteuk banner because I was literally dizzy. πŸ˜‚

The view was spectacular and it was all worth it. I befriended my seatmates while waiting ☺️.

So, it was about to start. The nice thing is that Super Junior would actually start with Song For You, which was a prayer song. πŸ™πŸ» It was what I liked about Super Junior’s concert – and I love Song For You. It is my alarm clock. πŸ’™

Sorry for my voice. πŸ˜…

So the arena turned black, sign that it would really start with the concert proper.

The lights dimmed and the VCR played. I really shouted that hard for every member, louder with Shindong and loudest with Jungsoo. πŸ˜›

I did not take a video, or I did, but only for a while because I really wanted to enjoy the concert. 😊

The concert started with Black Suit. Because I was kind of biased, I filmed Jungsoo’s part, and squealed. And the fanchants! 😭

Again, I filmed Jungsoo’s part and the fanchants because I was seriously stunned by that hairstyle and I really loved that on him plus it was dark hair! 😭

Then, the next song was Scene Stealer. Look at how glorious Hyukjae’s solo dance was! πŸ’™

It was the first time also that they used the extended stage. And obviously, I was really biased that I had my eyes on Jungsoo only. πŸ˜…

Next was Mamacita! The fanchant was really on point. I actually have longer clips for this, but I’d just use the photos that I took. 😊

Then after the stunning Mamacita, there went the Ment!

I was surprised because the boys, especially Shindong really found time to study Filipino. He was consistently good in doing so even in the first Super Show in Manila. Everyone actually did pretty well, compared to before when they only spoke English and “Mabuhay”. Donghae actually spoke like a kid and I was so amused because he was so cute! Hyukjae got Shindong’s cheat sheet. πŸ˜‚ Siwon, being a CEO that he was, walked towards the extended stage and spoke Filipino and English like a businessman. And wow he acknowledged the presence of Manny Pacquiao and Pia Wurtzbach 😭 Heechul spoke weirdly and was really fond of Pacquiao, we kept on laughing. Yesung just gave us some hugot lines I was dying! And Jungsoo was always looking at his cheat sheet and I could see his determination to memorize and to be an emcee (as usual) πŸ˜‚. And again, obviously I was too biased, I recorded his greetings. He created his ship name Leeteuk and Philippines – PhiLeeteuk! 😭 It was so funny and very unexpected. 🀣

After the Ment, Shirt came after and again. My energy had not gone down yet. Obviously I captured Jungsoo’s part again.

Then, VCR to start Part 2. Preparing for This is Love and finally going up the freaking bridge! I have a long video for this but I would just get the photos which I captured while recording the video! I was even captured in the officially camera while actually taking photos of Jungsoo πŸ˜….

And they went to the bridge. We began standing, and I felt like my heart was actually escaping my ribcage when I first saw Jungsoo this close in almost 7 years.

I was trying to make myself unbiased but I couldn’t. πŸ˜‚ He was really ethereal and it was as if I was being born again. I was not even exaggerating – I just felt like the world stopped that time.

Of course, I really found time also to capture that in video too! I made a clip. 🀣

But I didn’t forget the other members though. πŸ˜‚

Hyukjae was so hot. Enough said.

Heechul was literally very beautiful. His nose was really so perfect.

Heechul and Shindong were so funny I am going to cry.

Speaking of Shindong, I was literally in awe when I saw his smile! 😭 He was so handsome in real life and I wondered why he was so underrated! 😭

And I don’t know if this was what I thought it was, but one thing was for sure – Jungsoo could surely spot any camera. πŸ˜‚

Well after deliberation, I would not claim it! πŸ˜‚

Anyway after This is Love, the boys went back to the main stage and performed Too Late. This performance was so amusing! The boys were seriously so nice to watch. Shindong’s voice stood out for me and also Jungsoo’s 😭.

I had a special thing for this song because I dreamed of Jungsoo holding my hand. In my dream, he asked for a volunteer to perform on stage with them for this song then he went towards us and chose someone else but that someone didn’t want to so I raised my hand despite of him not looking at our place but he then grabbed my hand all of a sudden and took me to the stage. 😭 While walking, he asked me of my name but because I was so stunned I was not able to speak so he asked for my name again and he smiled at me then I shyly mentioned my name. Then he repeated it. Then we practiced our part – it was just as simple as stepping (that common music video scene) then he was too patient. Then after I asked him in Filipino and he was shocked but he nodded despite of not understanding it. After the practice, he went to change his clothes and I was asked to wait with the fans. The fans told me that I was lucky and I told them that I was still giddy. Then he called for me after he had changed to a yellow polo and then I realized that I didn’t know what to do because the orientation was not too detailed so I just did an impromptu πŸ˜‚. Anyway, back to the concert.

The next is the most awaited It’s You. Wow the nostalgia! I wasn’t able to concentrate because they were so hot with blindfolds πŸ˜‚.

I didn’t take photos and videos that much because I wanted to sing! πŸ˜‚ And we witnessed how Shindong went out the stage then confused members were confused when he got back. πŸ˜…

Then after this performance, part 2 was finished. Then VCR again! It was a dramatic VCR that almost made me cry but because the fans behind me were shouting, “Donghae! I’ll be yours instead!” I was really held back. πŸ˜‚

After the VCR was the ballad medley! Part 3. Finally! One More Chance was next! We were able to sing because Donghae actually let us sing! It was so beautiful! 😭

After this, the boys sand Memories, and I guess this song is ELF’s ballad theme song. We sang to it like we depended on it.

And after Memories, comes Stars Appear.

The ballad medley ended with Stars Appear, which was really a good song to end Part 3 of the concert.

Part 4 finally comes to play interluded by a short VCR for Lo Siento using Manila, Philippines in the video! After a while, they came back with a new outfit!

It is worth uploading so here it is:

Part 4 ended just like that, but was followed by a VCR and a very nostalgic performances of old hits by Super Junior’s dancers! 😭 They danced to U, Can You Feel It and Oppa, Oppa! We also danced to them!

After a while, they came back with a short ment for Part 5. They were finally in their school uniforms – meaning I would be taking the video for my two most anticipated songs of the evening: Runaway and Too Many Beautiful Girls!

Jungsoo actually asked Hyukjae how he was like in school. Our jewel just told us that he was practically good in school so we actually booed. πŸ˜‚ Hyukjae pretended to be mad and we laughed so hard. Then Jungsoo asked Heechul. Our comedian, not a Canadian, told us that he worked in a factory and made TVs, and that they were “Made in Kim Heechul”. We were really crying out of laughter. Then Siwon was asked and he told us that his father was very strict so he had done a good job in school, so we also booed him. πŸ˜‚

And yes, Jungsoo asked Hyukjae to dance the song that he used for the audition in SMEnt and they danced to H.O.T.’s We Are The Future! 😭 Again, nostalgic! The main and lead dancers danced to the song and it was so synchronized. And Yesung just exploded with the rap! πŸ˜‚ Donghae just sang another and Shindong actually took him away. 🀣

After this chaotic ment, they proceeded to dance and perform Runaway, my favorite song in the 8th Album!

After this song, my most favorite concert song, Too Many Beautiful Girls was performed! I loved the Lightstick Synchronization Mode here. I was not able to appreciate it that much because I was still stunned. But when I watched the view from the General Admission! So wonderful.

Shindong was the first one who went up the bridge.

Then Jungsoo, who came as fast.

Then Hyukjae…

Then Jungsoo again who said bye as fast as my high speed burst camera.

Lightsticks Synchronization! Red, Green, Pink, White, Yellow and Blue!

After my favorite Too Many Beautiful Girls, Magic came after. They actually threw signed balls and Shindong came to us for that. I almost fell because I almost got the ball that he threw but I was slow. 😭 The persons in front of me got the ball that he personally gave.

Siwon, Donghae and Yesung went to the bridge also. I wasn’t able to capture them because it happened too fast.

Speaking of Donghae, I was really stunned at how handsome he was, especially with that permed hair of his. And it was cute because it was the first time Donghae actually went to our section.

A fan actually threw her phone and our gentleman kindly returned it. He was so cute! But I hope the fan didn’t mean it. He could have got hit. πŸ˜”

Then he took another fan’s phone (the same fan who got Shindong’s signed ball – lucky fans) and took the photo above. Again I almost fell for that photo. πŸ˜… Donghae’s jawline was superb! πŸ˜­πŸ˜πŸ’™

Lucky fans who also were able to take a picture with Donghae! I actually got into the photo but my forehead and eyebrow was captured. 🀣 Find me (my forehead). πŸ˜‚

Then the happy kid just happily marched away. πŸ˜›

The rest of the members went down to the extended stage. Jungsoo kept on operating the polaroid and he didn’t know how to. So cute! 😭😊😍

The members then danced. Heechul kept on playing with Hyukjae’s hat instead of dancing. It was a chaotic yet cute moments!

They continued their dance to the main stage and ended part 5.

Part 6 started with another VCR. And the boys came back with new outfits for Jungsoo’s composition Super Duper! The addicting steps to this song are supposed to trend! πŸ™πŸ»

And the guys proceeded to the legendary title tracks that put then to fame. But before that, here is Yesung’s superior voice!

After this, Sorry Sorry played. The fans screamed loudly because this song was the superior nostalgic anthem for most KPop fans. They performed this in the extended stage.

Jungsoo actually got confused here but it was a secret. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…

Then our beloved dance break!

And of course, our mighty universe big star’s solo drums performance that lead to another hit, Mr. Simple.

Heechul’s drum performance started Mr. Simple. Mr. Simple was very well-loved by Filipino fans and we sang and cheered and chanted to it.

And this song shocked my heart because Lee Donghae just casually stayed on the bridge as he leaned on the post. He was stunning and really handsome.

But even if Donghae was literally in front of us, I still focused on Jungsoo πŸ˜….

However, Donghae was so handsome that my camera just focused on him. It would be a missed opportunity!

He went nearer and leaned on the freaking post. I was literally just trying to contain myself.

And the next photos will literally cause you heart attack! Presenting the all-new, latest Fuwa Sho of Skip Beat! Seriously Lee Donghae? 😭 This was my favorite set of photos of him.

He stayed that long! All throughout the changes in lightstick colors. 😍 Then he left because they needed to dance. πŸ˜… Bye real-life Fuwa Sho!

Of course, Super Junior danced to Mr. Simple, starting from Jungsoo’s part.

After Mr. Simple, the climax, Bonamana! And the rock version that actually killed me! I seriously loved this version more than the original, because it made me dance so hard. It was matched with overwhelming pyrotechnics. So cool!

The famous hip thrusts lead by Jungsoo. πŸ˜‚ But kidding aside, I love how they were thirteen on stage! 😭

Bounce to you, bounce to you, λ‚΄ κ°€μŠ΄μ€ 널~ It was the time when they ran towards the center stage.

Donghae just changed his voice and sang using a more rock tone. The awesome hoarse voice made me feel the song more. Then the famous “Listen girl, μ’‹μ•„ν•΄~ baby girl, μ‚¬λž‘ν•΄” which was lead by Yesung, was chanted by the fans!

I love the next few parts before they actually go wild! Jungsoo the duck. 🀣

Jungsoo just owned the stage (because the members were scattered🀣).

The boys ran to the bridge and we could totally relate because they were so exhausted from dancing. And Jungsoo, being extra, suddenly became a ninja like Naruto but he got exhausted afterwards. πŸ˜‚

Ninja Teuk video!

Finally, I was able to see Siwon more along with Shindong.

But before that, Jungsoo needed to stop. 😭

Our Donghee is so handsome I was really in awe! 😲

Then Siwon was trying to catch his breath. He was literally a perfect bachelor. Sorry dad for your photos! I have another set for you 🀣.

Then he literally and angrily pointed at the camera but again, my sickness of diverting to others attacked me that time.

I also took the chance to take the photos of other members.

The head banging plus Siwon’s tummy.

And Jungsoo’s left the stage while flying.

The men went back to the center stage and then the pyrotechnic! So cool!

Part 6 ended literally with a bang – fireworks just made it more special!

Part 7 started with a VCR and Jungsoo going to the bridge to read his letter. I had a lot of photos of Jungsoo’s back. I could not help but look at him and I was about to cry when he sobbed. I ultimately told him to cry and coincidentally, he cried more. 🀣 Obviously, I knew he didn’t hear me but it was funny still. πŸ˜‚

I swear, I had tons of them. I really find the back view so nice.

After his tear-jerking speech and confession, the members went up to hug Jungsoo. Shindong came up while showing a banner. Jungsoo had his greatest smile. His child, Donghae came up to him also.

I just felt fuzzy inside.

Donghae looked liked a dinosaur. πŸ˜‚

And can these two stop? 🀣

Left: Shindong and Heechul

Right: Hyukjae and Donghae

Center: Jungsoo with no partner. 🀣

And they continued! 🀣😭

I have a lot of sexy back photos… πŸ˜‚ Batch 1!

Batch 2 of sexy back photos!

What are you doing Kim Heechul? πŸ˜‚ So cute!

Actually, I Do is the most unforgettable performances because of a lot of moments with the boys.

Yesung! I finally have good photos of you.

And Hyukjae also. 😊


Donghae saw my fan sign for Jungsoo 😭 but because it was not his, there was only a slight moment. πŸ˜‚ And here I was capturing blurry photos.

How can he be so handsome? 😍

He picked up the flower crown and wore it. Why do fans throw things to Donghae?

And obviously Jungsoo got the highest number of photos. Grandpa photos!

His smile is to die for.

Smile πŸ˜„ and wave πŸ‘‹~ heart! πŸ’™


I thought we would not have a moment… luckily we did. Blurry, short, but it was my most treasured photo.

I spazzed at this photo for about ten days, and I still feel giddy until now.

After I Do, they finished the Part 7 and the last song is Shining Star where they showed their journey as Super Junior. People cried, including me. It was touching and nostalgic.

And were showered with confetti at the end after their touching speeches in Filipino.

They went inside for a while and they showed the music video for Good Day for a Good Day. And finally for the encore. They performed their final song, Miracle.

Yesung’s photo was so blurry! πŸ˜‚

Our Shindong! The spotlight ruined my photo of him seeing my banner!

More of our Donghee.

And of course Hyukjae… who gave kisses and waves also!

Hyukjae got a flower crown from the crowd and wore it!

Siwon also went to the bridge and greeted us fans.

And lastly, Jungsoo who bowed to us fans and held Happee’s hands I AM SO JEALOUS 😭 but still happy for her! πŸ˜„

Only Donghae didn’t go to the bridge again. 😭

They had an over 12 minutes of weirdness for their final MENT when they spurted random thanks and Filipino words, sang happy birthday to Jungsoo and Heechul, and of course, their legendary Spy and A-Cha! Filipino ELF did that!

The members went back to the main stage and made their final bow, successfully wrapping up the concert. They also showed a VCR of the managers lipsyncing to Kyuhyun and Ryeowook’s voices.

We went to our hotel where we checked in after the concert and went out again with friends to eat and spazz. Post concert depression! 😭

It has been a month and I still cannot get over. Two days ago was our monthsary. I miss Super Junior.

I look forward to Super Show 8 which would complete my life as a fangirl. I want to see them all again. πŸ’™

(RP) Excitement

Okay so… we are down to less than a month for SS7 Manila. I am so excited to see Jungsoo and celebrate his birthday.

I want to see him so badly.

And yes we are working with our Shindong banner! He needs appreciation for being so talented and mature. Look forward!

(RP) Super Junior Super Show 7 in Manila

I am finally… finally going to see you… again.

After five long years. After all my tears that had dried out. After the biggest regret of my life for not seeing you three years ago.

I want to give a good birthday present to you. But I don’t know what. It is your birthday the next day. And I still have no gift.

My love, see you again.

June 30, 2018.

See you, Super Junior.

(RP) May 10, 2018

It is a very special day because a Super Junior member, my 2nd bias, actually replied to me on Instagram.

Dear Lee Sungmin, thank you for completing my day yesterday! I wasn’t really able to spazz that much because I was working but it was more than enough. Thank you so much.

Sorry, I will never get over this. Never in my entire lifetime. Purely real and not imagination. πŸ™‚

Sorry if you get annoyed. I just feel really happy.



(RP) Forsaken

I just want to know the reason why you abandoned him.

And for what cost?

Probably they are right. He was never a friend. He was just an option.

What if you chose that path? What would be the outcome? Why do you not value your long time friendship? Why do you have to be so selfish?

He doesn’t deserve it. Neither do you.

But I cannot help but hate you for that.

And I am hating the fact that you did it to him.

You’re right – I know nothing. Nothing has to go the way I want it to happen.

But please tell me why. Tell me and I will listen. I am best at that. I am best at believing in you. It is my weakness but I am willing to try once again.

I just want to understand you.

(RP) Firm

The reason why I understand Jungsoo is that I do not want people to be burdened with my pain. I would rather be hurt than see someone else to suffer indirectly because of me. At the same time, And I do not want people to seem to care but after sometime they won’t.

This is why I cannot tell anyone my problems. I tend to burst alone – I’d rather cry alone than to receive false concern.

Because no matter how I put it, I do not think anyone puts me as his first. His priority.

I have no one to share this with.

And there will come a time when I won’t understand myself either, because I am usually conflicted.

I wish I could be firm and strong.

(RP) Misunderstanding

When I was young, I used to hang out at home on weekends rather than go outside and meet with my friends. I never liked meetings and school projects done on weekends because I liked to stay at home. That was probably how I was and my friends were raised. I had few selected friends who were not allowed to go out nor also wanted to. Maybe home was not suffocating and demanding.

As time passed by, I really still prefer being at home because I feel very comfortable here. I’d rather stay at home than go outside, travel or eat with friends. But of course, certain things are changing, and circle of friends is expanding. Because I had different circle of friends in work, school and other activities such as clubs and other organizations, as a friend and as a member, I needed to socialize and catch up with them.

Sadly, my parents, because I was raised like this, could not let me go. They could not accept that I am a grown up now with so many responsibilities. My loyalty for friends can keep me going also. That I need to find some time to relax with them once in a while.

It is not that they are against me having friends or whatnot but they dislike it when I go home late or go out on weekends. Trust me – I always try to come up with excuses about me not being able to make it partly because I don’t like going but mostly because I am not allowed like my other friends even if I am already an adult. I do not blame them for wanting me to be safe always and for being with them almost more than 3/4 of my life. I go to every family outing while my cousins who are as the same age as me are allowed not to go.

It is sort of unfair.

But to be fair, it goes both ways.

My friends, most of them, that is, love to travel, to explore, to go to a dance club or a bar, to socialize with new people and to drink – which I really do not like at all. I am an introvert as I said, I preferred having a time of my own rather than meeting new people that I am not sure if I share the same interests as mine.

I do not do what they do, and most of time I get lost. The only thing that possibly keep my friendship, despite my disloyalty is my sense of humor and wit, and even advices.

Am I that weird?

They sometimes want me to try new things – the things that they do a lot – but sometimes I do,’ost of the times I don’t. I feel that I am not being a true friend, which is very unfair.

Am I too weird?

I just wanted my family and my friends to understand who I am. Sometimes I really do think that I am alone, and that no one understands me better than I do. But I do not have the courage to make them understand the real me without being judged and without being scolded.

I have both worlds. I hope both worlds understand that I am really shy and I am an introvert. When I go with friends, I do so because I am afraid of being judged. Same with when I stay at home with my family.

Sadly no one really believes that.

All of a sudden, they see my ought self.

And sadly, no one understands.

(RP) The Darkness

I love the feeling of darkness – I love the comfort it brings and the pain that it releases out from my system. In the dark, I cry – I’d rather not show it to people. I’d act like I am okay, but I am definitely not. And it’s real. The pain of being alone is real.

I have everyone, but it doesn’t mean that everyone would want to help. No one is here to perfectly understand what I am feeling and I perfectly know that. I am just another person in this world, and everyone has his own problems. I choose not to reach out because I don’t want them to think about my misery. And if there is someone who would want to listen, would he sympathize? Would he be able to take away the pain?

I am afraid that the things that make me happy would just be ordinary things. It’s much scarier to feel that than for these things to completely disappear. This means that there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to keep me going.

I am like this because I choose to be alone, to pretend that I am okay outside. No one knows what I am feeling. But myself.

I am losing strength because people do not believe in me and my potential; that there are people out there that I trust but they keep on failing me. They know that what they do would only benefit them. People are selfish. I am accepting that reality. No one genuinely cares.

When people say they know, but they don’t. And when time comes that they know, it’s too late. When they thought that they lost nothing, they lost twice as much. Because nice people like me get tired also. I get tired of being stepped on because I have no title. And compared to them, I am just nothing. I am a peck of dust.

Think lowly of me for all that you want, but don’t come crying when I am done.

Don’t cry when I am finally gone.



(RP) A Decision

It’s been a while since a random post.

Before anything else, I want to greet you all: Happy Chinese New Year and Belated Happy Valentine’s Day!

I missed you all. How are you all doing? I hope you are all doing fine.

Today, I made a very difficult decision. It was not the most difficult, but it was the bravest and the most mature decision I’ve made. Even so, it was also very selfish.

But what is wrong about deciding something for yourself? What is wrong about taking a chance to believe that you can decide for yourself and not just obey others?

This afternoon, I told myself: yes, you are doing this. You have to do this.

I prayed a lot yesterday, asking Him to give me strength today. And He did.

I will be lying if I say that there are no regrets. Of course, there some. I’ve grown a lot and experienced a lot. There were people who helped me overcome my fears. But doubts bother me… Can I actually do this on my own?

No other way but to try, right? But there will be no escape. There will be people who teach me the basics and the advanced, and I will leave them.

It doesn’t matter. What returns to me is a gift. I am ready to accept it. And a lot of approves of it.

Did I make the right decision?


But it is worth the risk. Separation is always permanent anyway.

(MOD POST) Happy 12th Anniversary Super Junior!

It’s been a while since I last posted here in this blog. Last time I posted was on Jungsoo’s 35th birthday. The post was really long and a bit tiring to read, but I hope the people who read that message are also reading this post.

I’ll start this post by throwing back to the journey of the group.

November 6, 2005. A 12-member group released a track called Twins (Knock-Out). South Koreans were really curious about the first group who had a huge number of members. It raised some eyebrows and it definitely made both netizens and music critics watch out for this huge male group who would pass as either a choir or a dance troupe.

It was also noted that this 12-member group was an experimental group that was patterned by a Japanese Pop female group Morning Musume. Both groups were meant to have different members each year, based on a process called member-rotation. Thus, the Korean male group was named Super Junior ’05.

Super Junior ’05 consisted of Leeteuk and Heechul (83-liners), Han Geng and Yesung (84-liners), Kangin and Shindong (85-liners), Sungmin, Eunhyuk, Donghae and Siwon (86-liners), and Kibum and Ryeowook (87-liners). After Twins (Knock-Out), the group released another track called Miracle, which was a make-or-break for the group. This was only revealed to Leeteuk, the leader until sometime which might have had slipped from him and from other employees in SM. Everyone did a great job to film the MV despite the weather and other concerns. This song however did not become a mutizen song in South Korea, but it topped a chart in three consecutive weeks. Although it didn’t win 1st in any music shows, it was more of a hit than Twins in the international market, topping a chart in Thailand.

This song kept the group together from February to April 2006.

Little did they know, their fate would be sealed by the additional of the last member.

During the promotions of Miracle, SM Entertainment halted the recruitment of new members for Super Junior ’05, and made a decision to add another member, Kyuhyun (88-liner), to be part of Super Junior, then a permanent group.

Kyuhyun’s addition to the group was disapproved by majority of the fans and even majority of the members. This didn’t stop him from debuting with the group. He debuted in May 23, 2006 but performed only days after with the group with another single U. The song became the groups’ first successful song, winning 1st in music shows. The song also exceeded 1.7 Million Downloads and the physical single sold out around 80,000 units. Super Junior won the Best Newcomers Awards in Golden Disk Awards.

In August 2006, while travelling back to Seoul from Mokpo where he attended Donghae’s father’s funeral, Heechul was caught in a car accident, resulted in 8-hour surgery for his leg. This made him rest from the group activities for twelve weeks until he was discharged. He resumed in his individual activities after.

Other members’ individual career in acting, modeling and hosting came after as well.

The group also pioneered debuting sub-units in Korean groups. Super Junior KRY, consisted of the three main vocalists, Kyuhyun, Ryeowook and Yesung, debuted a day before the first anniversary, performing an official sound track entitled The One I Love.

Super Junior T or Trot debuted also in February 2007, releasing a very popular trot song Rokkugo which was also performed days after. This subgroup consisted of Leeteuk, Heechul, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin and Eunhyuk.

Despite several achievements in their first year, the group encountered another very unfortunate event that almost took the life of the youngest member and other members.

On April 2007, after a radio show, Leeteuk, Eunhyuk, Shindong, Kyuhyun and their manager had a fatal vehicular accident, causing them to be hospitalized. Kyuhyun had surgeries which also affected his vocal chords that if wasn’t successful would have make him permanently quit singing.

While Kyuhyun were recuperating from his injuries, the group released a single, a remake of H.O.T.’s Happiness, which served as the comeback of the three other injured members. They also released a movie Attack on the Pin-Up Boys, which was the first movie produced and played by the a Korean Group. However, this did not become a hit in cinemas. Instead, the movie earned through DVDs released and movie sound track Wonder Boy became popular as well.

Due to successful surgeries and prayers, Kyuhyun went back to participate in Don’t Don, Super Junior 2nd Album that was supposed to be released in late 2006. The album was pushed forward a year after in September 2007.

The album received various reviews, but sold at least 160,000 copies. The group was nominated as Artist of the Year and won a Disk Bonsang for the album.

Super Junior debuted another subgroup, Super Junior M or Mandarin, which easily became the most successful subunit. The group was formed by then Super Junior members Han Geng, Siwon, Donghae, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, and additional members Zhou Mi and Henry. They released their first mini-album Me, which paved the way to Chinese music market.

Despite SM Entertainment announcing that both Zhou Mi and Henry would not be added to the main group, fans still protested against the two SJ-M members, which lead to Only 13 protest. It was initially lead to Only13 Fans chanting to oust Henry during his solo violin performance in Don’t Don.

Only13 issue remained throughout as Super Junior T debuted in Japan, and another subgroup was formed, Super Junior H or Happy, consisting of Leeteuk, Yesung, Kangin, Shindong, Sungmin and Eunhyuk. The subgroup released an extended play of Cooking? Cooking! and performed in several live shows.

Super Junior also had another milestone when they had their first solo concert in Asia, Super Show 1 where they performed in South Korea, China and Thailand.

Super Junior’s career highlight came when they released the phenomenal Sorry Sorry in March 2009, which led to international fame not only in East Asia but other parts of Asia and Western countries. This album sold around 250,000 in Korea and became no. 1 album when released in various Asian countries. This led to winning the Grand Prize or Disk Daesang in Golden Disk Awards in 2009.

They also started their 2nd solo concert, Super Show 2, which they did not only perform in East Asia but also in South East Asia. Kibum did not perform in the concert however, he participated in promotional videos for the tour. He announced that he’d continue his acting career. His last participation was in It’s You, the title track of the repackaged album for Sorry Sorry.

Super Junior M also released another mini album, Super Girl, which became popular in several countries.

The group also performed for the first time in Japan without their official Japanese debut.

Several incidents challenged the group as Kangin was charged with driving under influence, resulting in temporary halt in all his activities and his participation with the group was questioned. After this incident, in December 2009, Han Geng filed a contract termination with SM Entertainment due to unlawful contract and mistreatment. Heechul did not participate in any group activities in three months due to his depression over Han Geng’s case.

Due to his issue, Kangin also enlisted to the mandatory military service, leaving the group with only ten members to participate in the next album, Bonamana. Heechul was able to participate in this album. With their increasing popularity, the fourth album outsold Sorry Sorry in Korea, selling over 300,000 copies and breaking chart records in Taiwan and other countries despite of mixed reviews in Korea.

The group continued to pursue their individual activities during the promotion until the third concert was announced. Super Show 3 sold out all seats in different countries. They also released a 3D movie for the concert, which eventually became one of the highest-grossing 3D movies in the country.

Super Junior also released a Japanese-version of the Bonamana in 2011.

The group also performed with other SM artists in America and in Europe. The media tagged them as Korean Pop Culture Icon, which gave birth to the word KPOP. They were also featured in CNN for their international success. Other countries also recognized Super Junior to be the leaders of the Hallyu Wave.

After the tour and several appearances worldwide, they released their 5th album, Mr. Simple, which sold more than 400,000 in Korea. They peaked at no. 3 in Billboard World Music Chart, in which the group was the first to chart. The track received positive response both locally and internationally, and won several no. 1 awards.

Heechul entered the military last September 2011 after the last week of promotion of Mr. Simple. They began their 4th solo concert tour, Super Show 4 without Heechul in several countries including France. They gathered 900,000 audience accumulated for all their tours.

With Mr. Simple, they won several awards, including the prestigious Album of Year award in Golden Disk Awards. They also won in Seoul Music Awards and Gaon Awards and other award shows.

In 2012, they released another album, the 6th album Sexy Free and Single before Leeteuk’s military service. The song ranked in iTunes Chart and Billboard World Album. Aside from this, they won the Hanteo award, selling more than 400,000 copies. After the controversy of SM with Mnet Asian Music Awards, the group first performed in the awards show and bagged the Album of the Year. Also, they bagged the Disk Daesang in Golden Disk Awards, making the group win 3 times, the biggest streak in the GDA history.

They also started their 5th solo concert tour, Super Show 5, which included Heechul who was just released in the military.

They did not only guest in music shows but also in Oxford to give a lecture.

The group’s promotion was brought into temporary halt when Leeteuk and Yesung enlisted for the military. The members concentrated in individual schedules and subgroups. Super Junior M released song Perfection and Break Down during the group hiatus. After Han Geng left the group, the subgroup included Eunhyuk and Sungmin to perform. The subgroup performed for the first time in Korean shows despite of the group’s primary language. Subgroup members Henry and Zhou Mi had their solo debuts as well.

Tragedy again happened as Leeteuk’s father and grandparents passed away while he was in the military service. The leader was given a break due to the incident.

Yesung also prepared to enter the military.

The group was back with another album, the 7th album entitled Mamacita, which became no. 1 in Billboard World Album chart. The song won several times in music shows. This was Super Junior’s first comeback album after 2 years hiatus and after Leeteuk and Heechul’s release from the military.

The group also announced Super Show 6 and had their 100th concert in Seoul. They easily became the first KPOP group that had 100 concerts worldwide and held concerts in several countries in South America.

Super Junior fans were shaken again with the news of Sungmin dating a musical actress, and after a few months, they announced that they were tying a not. Several fans protested and wanted Sungmin out of the group due to different reasons. However, it didn’t stop the group to continue its performances and concert with Sungmin. The group launched This Is Love – a special album.

Kyuhyun’s solo debut was also announced. At Gwanghwamun was released in November 2014 and immediately became a hit digitally, charting in several charts even months after its release. Kyuhyun won 1st in several music shows with the album.

A month after, Sungmin got married and received a lot of bashes from the fans. His marriage created a divide among ELF, either supporting his marriage or wanting him out of the group. Despite this, Sungmin continued to perform with the group until he was enlisted after Shindong.

Super Junior released another special album, Devil, for their 10th anniversary in 2015 before the 86-liners enlistment. Though received good feedback, the song didn’t win any award in Korea, but garnered recognition once again worldwide, peaking at no. 1 in 10 countries for iTunes, and became first in United World Charts.

Super Junior had their Super Show 6 Encore in Seoul for two days where they performed their songs in Devil album. Also, during these months, Kibum announced his departure from the group and SM Entertainment.

The group went into complete hiatus again as Eunhyuk, Donghae and Siwon went to their military service after releasing Magic, a repackaged track for Devil.

Solo albums from Super Junior KRY, who also had tours in Japan and in Korea, were released within 2 years of hiatus. It was not only it. SM Entertainment introduced Label SJ, which granted the group to an exclusive management.

After 2 years of hiatus, the group announced their comeback or the 7th album named Play, the first group comeback handled by Label SJ. However, it was debated again, after 2 years, if Sungmin and Kangin would be included in the comeback. After much deliberation and protests from some K-ELF, Sungmin decided not to participate in the comeback, and Kangin was also tagged as inactive.

Despite this, Super Junior kept on providing their fans all the best. During the promotional period for Play, they had V-Live daily episodes and participated in most variety. They also pre-released One More Chance MV which was composed by Donghae. The video was well-loved, garnering 6.5M views in less than 6 days and around 600,000 likes.

The group’s comeback was challenged again when Siwon was put in a controversy about his dog biting someone, resulting in a complication that caused his death. With this, it was decided that Siwon would not participate in the promotion in TV shows.

Today, in Super Junior’s 12th anniversary, they will release the much anticipated Play album, where they will release the whole album digitally and the Music Video at 6PM KST.

Now that we are done throwing back, let me give my message to them.

Super Junior, as we throwback, I hope we can see that we have been here through ups and downs, and this just made us last longer and became stronger. And we are really thankful for your existence in our lives. Most of us grew up with you, some left, and some went back, but the most important thing is that despite this, at one point, there will always be a Super Junior in their hearts and they’ll keep coming back. There is no guarantee that they will stay, but we are definitely sure that most of us will still be here regardless.

You will always be my no. 1. I may look at others, but in my heart, you will always be holding a huge place. Thank you, sorry and I love you all.