Only an hour left and I hope it is not yet too late… Actually I am already late, but it is still 11pm in my country! LMAO
Also, this isn’t a short message so if you have something else to do… especially if it is urgent and important, skip this blog post. This is literally very long message to the birthday man, my most favorite man on earth.
How are you? It’s been a long time since I last wrote you a message like this. As far as I could remember, last year, I wrote a very short message to you… that was because you still weren’t out yet from the army… or you are, but not officially. Anyway, I just want to greet you a happy happy birthday and even though it’s already late, I hope you were able to celebrate your birthday this year well.
To be honest, I really have a lot of things I wanted to say to you because you are already out from the army and there is a chance, although it’s just a small chance, that you will be able to read my message to you. Actually, I cannot begin it. Shall I start with the wishes? The apologies? The promises? The commitments?
I am very much aware that this is only the sixth year of me celebrating your birthday this grand… I remember, my first birthday blog post was for Heechul’s, so I skipped yours, although I already knew Super Junior a year before. So… that makes it seven years total of loving the best leader, the leader of Super Junior.
I don’t know why I am still holding on though, even though for several times, I’ve attempted to stop and let go. I wasn’t able to. I was, I think, very emotionally attached to Super Junior and most especially to you, Leeteuk. For almost seven years, I’ve become a Teuk-biased ELF and until now, although it’s a bit seldom, I am still a Teuk-biased. It is not a secret, however, that I am slowly… slowly drifting away from the group. I find it very interesting that the reason why I am still an ELF is because of you. Probably, I’ve changed a lot, and I’ve changed as an ELF and as a Teuk-biased ELF. I rarely follow everything Super Junior, though I am still aware of the activities, just not like before. But everytime I see you, I say to myself, “Oh, I remember that time when I am still as active as others… I remember spazzing about everything that you do… I remember disliking your inconsiderate actions… I remember being delusional about your ‘replies’ to my blog.” Everything just returns everytime I see you so I am very thankful.
There is really something about you that makes me react dfferently. I still have that excitement, nervousness and happiness whenever I see your photos, videos, tweets, posts, and most especially your TV appearances. Your presence makes me fall in love with you over and over again. I still don’t know if it’s the same love that I will experience in real-life because no matter how much I think I do, I am still taken aback by the fact that you are an artist, albeit from another country, and I am just one of your million fans who patiently waits for you to notice. It is painful, but as I said before, I think it’s a part of being your fan. Being in love with your character as Leeteuk. That insecurity makes me sad, but I never regret anything. From knowing you to becoming your fan, from randomly watching you in Youtube to seeing your concerts… All of them, I cherish and I never regret.
Probably the only thing that I regret the most is not seeing you last time when I have the chance to see you. To be honest, I cried non-stop for five days straight, pleading and begging to my parents for them to let me watch you. It is still hurtful and I am still disappointed with myself for not seeing you. I know that it is my one and only chance and it sucks. But then I… I decided on my own, to book a trip to Korea to see you. It is my main reason. The others are just secondary reasons but I keep on repeating and emphasizing that I want to go to Korea because I really want to see you. If it is fated for me to meet you, even if there is only a minimal possibility, the chances are, we would meet again. So I booked a flight to Korea tomorrow, July 2.
However, another unfortunate thing happened. After passing my visa requirements and getting the visa itself, after planning my itinerary and booking everything, a news spread that MERS become a threat to my visit. I thought, “Why does God not let me go to Korea?” I feel bad. Very bad that I keep on searching for MERS news until today. Supposedly, tomorrow is my flight so that I can celebrate your birthday, but… I am an obedient daughter. Even if I want to go, I rebooked my flight.
But of course, I am happy that I was able to schedule my flight on November 5-8! Yes, I can go to Super Junior’s 10th Anniversary party, if there is! I think it is a hidden blessing, because my main agenda is to see you and make me relive the past of really getting into you…
I know, I have a lot of promises that I broke… I am deeply sorry for that. I am also sorry for being missing in action about SuJu, but I want to tell you that even if I am very busy, I still keep myself updated about you. Seeing the members, and of course, you, make me stay stronger and happier, so I am thankful for that.
I am also thankful that for all these years, you never gave up and you let Super Junior shine. Thank you for being a very awesome and dedicated leader that your members love you very much. Thank you for being stronger everyday.
Jungsoo, I really want to see you. I really do, so I will do my best to see you.
I also promise that no matter what happens, even if other groups come in my way, I will still see you as my number one.
My wish is for you to have good health, more growth in terms of career as singer, emcee, host and artist. I also wish for your family and friend’s prosperity. I also wish for you to marry a woman who would really take care of you, see you only, and love you forever without excuses. Lastly, I wish that Super Junior would remain forever.
Again, thank you so much, sorry and I love you.
P.S. Here is my gift for you because you will always be my angel.
SUPER JUNIOR COMEBACK FIGHTING!
I LOVE YOU JUNGSOO! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU INFINITY TIMES!