Upon researching and doing background investigations, I realized that the only reason why I was keeping this name (immortalsoul123) was because I could not let go of the past. I could not let go of the things that I used to believe in. I could not let go of the things that I used to delude myself with.
It is suffocating me right now because I am the only one hurting here. Just because I told myself and convinced myself that loving you included negative feelings such as pain and insecurities, I couldn’t help but to be realistic and be logical now. I would not use my heart anymore to hold on to whatever I had back then because to be honest it was the only thing that I had to continue to hold on.
Maybe I would be selfish, but no, you had long been unaware and you had long been messing up with my feelings. It is devastating because I am almost dedicating myself to you as if you’re going to care about it but no. I am sure that you don’t even get affected with all this stupidity, but I do. And I am tired of all these.
Dealing with this love with unsure outcome sucks.
But I think I will be forever thankful for this. It was a great experience, and it taught me a lot of things. I would never hate you. I would not regret loving you and involving myself to you.
At least after I let go of the past, only the pain of regret will be left. Not the pain of regret of loving you but the pain of regret for the consequences in stopping these feelings for you. This may be the most painful one, but this is also the most acceptable kind of pain, if ever I want to start all over again.
I am ready to get hurt.