I still am afraid of Leeteuk leaving temporarily for the army.
Whenever he tweets, I feel that he is always saying goodbye. This guy… I don’t know how I will be when he decides to tell us that he is finally going to the army.
Even if he said to us that we must not cry, I don’t think we can’t. He’s the best leader and half of everything that is happening to Super Junior is because of his leadership. I salute him.
Sometimes, I thought if I chose the wrong bias. Well, I’ll admit that to be an Leeteuk-biased is so difficult because he was the leader and I expect too much of him. Until now. To give you a short and definite example, I expect him to recognize my country, but it seems that he has biases. It is obvious. But because it always happens, it just becomes something that is usual. I mean, I have biases of my own, so why can’t he? But to tell you honestly, it hurts that the person you care about the most in this world does not care about you at all.
One time, he tweeted about my country and I really cried because it was so seldom. But after three days I think, he deleted it. I didn’t know what’s the reason behind it and I, along with the others, became hurt and some really disliked him for that. Who wouldn’t? A lot expected it, it came true then it just faded away. I was really hurt and I also disliked that, but when I saw a lot of people hating him, I realized that I couldn’t dislike him. I was more hurt when he was bashed, and though I was still bitter, I felt that I needed to protect him. So I did.
There was also one time when I saw his interview somewhere where he told that there was someone from the Philippines who really pleaded for them to have a concert here. It looked like they were forced to perform here, and it wasn’t their own will to do so. I doubted the reality of their smiles and thumbs up during SS2 Manila and felt that I didn’t want to go to SS3 Manila anymore. I lost my excitement. A lot too. Because it was too painful for us that the group that we waited for so long was forced to go here. That our efforts and sleepless nights were not really appreciated. Yes, some were not as successful as the other countries but still, we exerted effort. Until now, we do. Maybe it isn’t enough.
I got hurt, and I wanted to forget that he was my bias but I could not. Call me obsessed but this is how you love right? You may look stupid and all but who cares? Knowing that your loved ones are happy, you will be happy too, right? Some may judge me for this but, if you love a person, you will know the feeling, no matter what kind of love it is.
Well, I chose this along with my decision to be an Leeteuk-biased, you know. Although he does not give all my expectations, I still am happy and satisfied because I chose him…
It will be three years already. It was September 2009 when I felt something special about him, although it’s not more than an intimate love but it was still a kind of love that would always want to protect and care for him no matter what. It was December 21, 2009 when he became my official bias.
I am always hoping that one day, we will be appreciated. As I promised last May 23, 2012, I will hold his hands forever and won’t let go. It’s cliche and he even used these words in Only U but still… Park Jungsoo… even if you don’t know I exist, even if I feel hurt everytime I live as an Leeteuk-biased, even if I wanted to give up and not wait for you anymore, even if there was no reciprocated feeling, even if I look at other guys aside from you, even if I always rant about you, even if there is no chance between us, even if you love someone else already, even if you hate me for what I confessed even though you would not be able to read this, and even if I only treat you as my Fantasy, still, I will always love you and you will be my bias forever. I will wait for you. I like to see you cry, but I love you more when I see you smile. You look best when you smile. I know I promise a lot of things but I will try to fulfill these three promises: to wait for you, to hold your hands tightly and to not let go until the end of time.
My Fantasy… my love is immortal.
P.S. Nakakahiya kapag may nakabasa nito kahit na hindi niya ito mababasa, but anyways, gusto ko lang ilabas ang lahat para masaya. LOL.